America is an Obamanation!

Because...

2012-01-02T10:22:00.005-06:00

[Click on image to enlarge.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

A Limited Time Offer

2011-12-24T01:38:00.009-06:00

Once again, it's that time of year. That magical time when the days shorten and get colder and we all wish each other a happy non-denominational celebration of your choice.

This year, why not give the gift that keeps on taking?

Presenting, "Occupy Santa Claus Lane"...

Featuring more wonderful seasonal songs that never once mention what's-his-name's supposed birthday, sung by the #OWS Glee Club. Like:

Occupy Santa Claus Lane

Twinkles Bells

The Little Drummer Circle

Violent Night

Also featuring some other wonderful new carols sung by many prominent progressive guest artists, such as these:

ROD BLAGOJEVICH:
Blago the Big-Haired Jailbird

JOE BIDEN:
God Love Ya, You Merry Taliban!

JON CORZINE:
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Larceny

ERIC HOLDER & THE ATF CHOIR:
Gun-Walking in a Border Wonderland

ANTHONY WEINER:
#Hacked! The Pantsless Congressman Tweets

And much, much more!

Best of all, you can just charge the cost of your purchase to somebody else! Order now!

And don't forget to check out our past favorites:

The First Nobel (2009)

A Solstice Carol (2010)

Cross-Posted at IMAO

If You Flip Plan 9-9-9 Upside Down...

2011-10-30T19:52:00.005-05:00

[Click on image to enlarge.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

#OES

2011-10-30T14:05:00.004-05:00

[Click on image to enlarge.]

Cross-posted at IMAO.

Can You Dig It?

2011-06-14T13:23:00.008-05:00

[Click on image to enlarge.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

Call Me Fishmeal...

2011-05-06T13:01:00.005-05:00

Cross-posted at IMAO.

The Riddle of the Sphinxter...

2011-02-11T17:59:00.005-06:00

All hail Phar-0, the true ruler of Egypt!

♫ Born in Honolulu... If you don't believe, then SCREW YOU! ♫

Cross-posted at IMAO

Rub-a-Dub-Dub...

2011-01-22T19:38:00.007-06:00

Farewell, Bathtub Boy!

Cross-posted at IMAO

Been There, Mourned That... Got the Free T-Shirt!

2011-01-17T01:19:00.006-06:00

[Click on the image for a closer look.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

Operators Are Standing By...

2010-12-23T22:39:00.006-06:00

A year in the making! Trillions of your tax dollars poured into its production! Now, at long last, it's finally here!

K-Don't Ask Don't-Tel Records shamelessly presents:

Featuring all new recordings by the original stars!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Forgive The Expression - Nina Totenberg
Go Don't Tell It On The Mountain/Deck The Halls Of Montezuma (aka "Don We Now Our Gay Apparel") - The United States Military "Do Ask - Do Tell!" Chorus
The Twelve Days Of Lame Duck - Harry Reid & Nancy Pelosi
Away With Your Mangers! - The ACLU Chorus with The CAIR Community Choir
Do You See What We See?/Feelhiz Nobbyrod - The TSA Screeners Orchestra featuring Pat Downes
A Ban On All The Toys - Monet Parnham & The Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors
Wikileaks (On Internet Are) - Julian Assange
I'm Dreaming Of A Tickle Fight Christmas - Eric Massa
Guam, It Got Tipped Over By Our Soldiers - Hank Johnson
O Come Back, O Come Back, Rahm Emanuel! - Barack Obama

And so much more... you have to buy it so you can find out what's in it!

Order now, and receive, as our special gift to you, that Alvin Greene action figure all the kiddies have been begging for!

Also available again for a limited time, last year's seasonal celebration album!

What are you waiting for??? Order now!

[Cross-posted at IMAO.]

Hard to Swallow...

2010-12-11T01:47:00.003-06:00

[Click on the image for a closer look.]

Cross-posted at IMAO.

2010

2010-10-30T02:00:00.002-05:00

[Click on the image for a closer look.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

Separated at Birth

2010-10-08T12:51:00.002-05:00

Economically Clueless Connecticut Democrat Senate Candidate Dick Blumenthal

And Fire Marshall Bill

Brandin' 'Em Like Cattle

2010-09-17T01:38:00.005-05:00

Well, howdy!!! Seems the folks over yonder at the DNC, or as they preferred to be called nowadays, "The Circle D" have come up with a fancy new brandin' logo to paste on all them mindless cattle what like to vote for 'em. Mercy sakes alive, they's even tellin' the cattle to pay to brand themselves for 'em! What a riot!

Trouble is tho', their new logo really ain't all that fancy at all. In fact, it seems downright bland if you ask me! But, seein' as how our good friend Harvey over yonder at the IMAO noticed a certain similarity 'tween their "fancy" new logo and Sir Thomas Crapper's great contribution to human civ'lization, I got to thinkin' maybe they'd like some help mooovin' that there merchandise they's a-sellin', so I whupped up a few bumper stickers fer 'em based on Harvey's much more eye-pleasin' redesign! Let me know what y'all think...

Ya know, one thing keeps on a-botherin' me about that new logo. It seems a might too familiar...

Wait a minute...

Almost there...

That's it!

I knew I'd seen it somewhere's before! Them Democrats is as sneaky as rattlesnakes and twice as slipp'ry! Best mind yourselves when wanderin' near 'em, I always say.

Cross-posted at IMAO.

Harry's Pet

2010-09-16T14:23:00.005-05:00

Sen. Harry Reid on Delaware's Democratic Party U.S. Senate candidate Chris Coons, a self-described Marxist:

"I just think the world of him. He's my pet."

Well, at least he doesn't shed.

Cross-posted at IMAO.

To Boldly Go Where No One Ever Should!

2010-08-02T01:55:00.007-05:00

Based on the works of Cloward and Piven.

[Click on image to enlarge.]

Coming in 2011, the sequel we've all been waiting for...

Charred Wreck - The Search for Sanity!

Cross-posted at IMAO

Giving the Dog a Bone

2010-07-02T14:43:00.007-05:00

Greetings, my fellow Americans. As you have doubtlessly heard by now, my wife Tipper and I have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage. While understandably sad at this development, I also see it as an opportunity to explore a whole new world that I could not have freely explored before.

For one thing, I decided to get myself a new makeover! The trouble is, I have had it done several times already, but just can't decide which new look is best for me. So, I have decided to leave it up to you, my loyal subjects.

Please indicate in the comments which of my fabulous new hair-dos best reveals the real me, you know... the one that will have all the ladies just begging to release my second chakra!

Hugs and kisses,
Al

The classic:

The come-hither:

The off-the-leash look:

Cross-posted at IMAO

Well, You Have to Admit, She is Rather Marxish

2010-07-01T12:31:00.011-05:00

Austin Powers testifies at the Kagan Confirmation Hearings:

BONUS!

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Markos "Daily Kos" Moulitsas:

Kos in drag:

Elena Kagan:

Hmmmm...

Cross-posted at IMAO

D'OH!

2010-06-29T14:00:00.005-05:00

[Click on image for a closer look.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

President Kick-Ass!

2010-06-09T02:28:00.006-05:00

Taking down names...

[Click on image for a closer look.]

Reference link

Cross-posted at IMAO

An Easy Mistake to Make

2010-06-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

Turns out President Obama's seemingly out of touch reaction to the Gulf oil spill disaster was all the result of a simple misunderstanding.

When his advisers told him he needed to spend more time on the "Gulf Coast," he thought they said that he needed to spend more time on the "Golf Course."

Oops!

Plugging the Hole

2010-05-26T14:17:00.005-05:00

As you all must know by now, America is in the midst of a disaster of massive proportions due to a giant hole that has, for far too long, been spewing toxic waste into our environment and wreaking further havoc on large sectors of our already severely wounded economy.

Until now, little if anything has been done to seal up this hole and contain the damage. In response to this crisis, Our Great Leader stepped forth and boldly demanded, in a manner befitting his vast leadership skills, that someone, "Plug the damn hole!"

And, at last, someone did...

Mission accomplished!

Cross-posted at IMAO

Results of New In-Depth Study Revealed: Bush May Actually Be Hitler!

2010-04-30T13:42:00.002-05:00

In recognition of the 65th Anniversary of Hitler's "supposed" death...

After careful research into the claims of many leftists that President George W. Bush is, in fact, a carbon copy of infamous German dictator Adolf Hitler, America is an Obamanation was more than a bit disturbed by the many eerie similarities we were able to uncover between the two world leaders.

Seeing as how George W. Bush was born into the world on July 6, 1946, a little over a year after the death of Adolf Hitler on April 30, 1945, we must agree it is quite possible that he is, in fact, the very reincarnation of history's greatest monster!

Consider the evidence:

HITLER...

Was a white male.

BUSH...

Is a white male.

HITLER...

Formed an alliance with Italy, Japan, Hungary, Romania and Bulgaria.

BUSH...

Ditto.

HITLER...

Considered the French adversarial and obnoxious.

BUSH...

Same here.

HITLER...

Had an aversion to the Poles.

BUSH...

Had an aversion to the polls.

HITLER...

One of history's most infamous bachelors.

BUSH...

Earned a bachelor's degree in history.

HITLER...

Had a funny little trademark mustache.

BUSH...

Has often sported a funny little "milk mustache".

HITLER...

Known as Der Führer amongst the Germans.

BUSH...

Known to cause a furor amongst liberals.

HITLER...

Had a FEMALE companion named Eva Braun. ("Braun" is German for "Brown".)

BUSH...

Had a FEMA Director named Michael "Brown".

HITLER...

His failure to learn from Napoleon's ill-fated Russian campaign cost Germany dearly in World War II.

BUSH...

His failure to return Napoleon Dynamite to Blockbuster Video on time cost him dearly in additional rental fees.

HITLER...

Once portrayed in a play within a movie by a character called L.S.D., who was played by actor Dick Shawn.

BUSH...

Once offered LSD while attending a play in college by two guys named Dick and Shawn.

HITLER...

Became infamous for the "Night of the Long Knives".

BUSH...

Became infamous for the "Night of the Long Island Iced Teas".

HITLER...

Sent millions to live and die in slavery and terrible squalor in concentration camps.

BUSH...

Played a game of concentration while at summer camp.

HITLER...

Unsuccessful in his attempts to conquer the English.

BUSH...

Unsuccessful in his attempts to conquer the English language.

HITLER...

Created the notorious SS and Gestapo.

BUSH...

Once filled up his Monte Carlo SS at a Gas Stop in Ohio.

HITLER...

During his reign of madness, he was responsible for the deaths of untold millions of innocent people.

BUSH...

During drinking binges in his youth, he was responsible for the deaths of untold millions of brain cells.

HITLER...

Hated the Jews.

BUSH...

Not all that fond of Barbra Streisand.

Coincidence? Perhaps, but perhaps not. In the end, you must decide for yourself...

******************************

[Originally posted on 3/15/06 at The Right Place.]

Nancy's Fridge

2010-04-11T14:24:00.003-05:00

[Direct Link]

Cross-posted at IMAO

Somewhere in America, A New Draft is Being Written Even Now...

2010-03-21T21:14:00.001-05:00

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

— John Hancock

New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

SOURCE

You Didn't Think It Would Be That Easy, Did You?

2010-03-15T03:42:00.004-05:00

[Click on the image for a closer look.]

Cross-Posted at IMAO

Paul Begala Akbar!

2010-03-07T23:46:00.010-06:00

[Click on the image for a closer look.]

Cross-posted at IMAO

Looking for More Signatures...

2010-02-25T17:57:00.004-06:00

Cross-Posted at IMAO

Sorry about the lost comments...

2010-01-29T23:04:00.002-06:00

Dear Readers,

I want to apologize to everyone about the disappearing comments.

Haloscan is ending their free service soon and I will NOT pay for their new service, so I am reverting to good old Blogspot comments.

The problem: There is presently no good way to transfer the old comments from Haloscan to Blogspot.

I apologize to everyone for the lost comments, but I am taking steps to preserve them and hope to be able to restore them at some point. No new comments from the time of this post forward should be affected.

The Clothes' New Emperor

2010-01-28T15:10:00.006-06:00

Cross-posted at IMAO

Obamalpractice

2010-01-23T21:43:00.004-06:00

So, Harvey over at IMAO has been featuring reader-produced videos made with Xtranormal, and it seems that some people can't help playing around with new Internet toys:

[Direct Link]

Let the Oscar buzz begin!

Great Moments in Fine Art: Napole-One Crossing the Voters

2010-01-20T22:23:00.005-06:00

[Click on image for a closer look.]

Cross-posted at IMAO! (Thanks again, Frank!)

Red Alert!

2010-01-20T21:53:00.004-06:00

My fellow Americans,

It is with deep regret that I must now move us to Threat Level Red on the Obama Administration DHS Threat Level Meter!

This is not a drill! Tea-Baggers have been caught voting in Massachusett(e)s, where such a thing was, just weeks ago, unthinkable! Worse yet, their interference in our Nation's cherished democratic process of the automatic pre-determined coronation of the approved candidate of the liberal elite, has tipped the balance of an important election there that threatens to undermine Democrat hegemony in Washington, D.C.!

This tragic man-caused disaster may bring about the destruction of the Obama agenda for health care nationalization, cap and trade, blanket amnesty for undocumented Americans, universal voter registration, future stimulus bills and many more wonderful programs designed to guarantee permanent one-party rule forever and ever, for the good of our Nation!

Please take this threat seriously, and report any and all future Tea-Bagger activity to the Department of Homeland Security or the nearest MSNBC correspondent immediately! Do not approach Tea-Baggers, as they are likely to be armed with sharp-edged cardboard signs and are extremely dangerous to our dream of a perpetual one-party socialist government.

Thank you, and may Gaia see us all through this dark and tragic period.

Sincerely,

Secretary Janet "Nappy" Napolitano
U.S. Department of Homeland Security and Political Correctness Enforcement

Mysterious Martha Coakley Campaign Advisor Appears on The O'Reilly Factor

2010-01-16T17:29:00.011-06:00

"Welcome back to The Factor. Our next segment tonight: Is the Democrat nominee to fill the Late Ted Kennedy's Senate seat in Massachusetts blowing what seemed just a couple of weeks ago like a sure thing due to an unbelievable slew of campaign gaffes and missteps, or is there something even more nefarious going on here? You be the judge."

"Here to discuss the situation with us tonight is one of Martha Coakley's key campaign advisors, one Mister... Lark Evor... am I pronouncing that right?"

"Yes, Bill, that is correct. Thank you for having me on tonight."

"Thank you for coming on The Factor tonight, Mr. Evor... I must say, you look awfully familiar, have we met before?"

"No, sorry, Bill, I don't believe so, but you would be surprised by how often I get that very same reaction from people."

"I'll bet... Look, Mr. Evor, I've got to say, this campaign you guys are running up there in Massachusetts... it's almost as if you folks are doing everything you can to intentionally throw this election, am I wrong?"

"Well, Bill, every campaign will have some setbacks every now and then, but we believe we are running a good campaign and that, in the end, the people of Massachusetts will reward us with a well-earned outcome on election day..."

"You can't be serious! A good campaign? By what standard can this be considered a good campaign? You guys misspelled the name of the state in one of her campaign ads, for chrissakes? Do you guys have that graphic? Throw it on up there for the folks..."

"They tacked an 'E' onto the end of the state's name there, can you see that? How does an ad like that get approved for air? Did anyone even look at that thing before they sent it out? How can you miss something like that?"

"Well, as I said, any campaign will make a few little mistakes..."

"A few little mistakes? Okay, how about the ad in which you lambaste your opponent for not caring about Wall Street greed with his face super-imposed over a photo of the World Trade Center?"

"Is that a little mistake, too, Mr. Evor? Almost 3,000 Americans died at that very site a little over eight years ago, sir, couldn't that be considered a little... I don't know... insensitive?"

"I'll grant you, that wasn't our finest hour..."

"And what about your candidate's claim during a televised debate that there are no more terrorists in Afghanistan? Afghanistan??? We just suffered a suicide bomber attack on a CIA compound there on New Year's Eve, for crying out loud? How do explain that one away?"

"Well, obviously, he was the last one, so now that he's gone..."

"Oh, obviously! And your candidate's statement that Catholics shouldn't work in emergency rooms due to their religious objections to abortion and contraception, how did that go over in the second most Catholic state in America by percentage?"

"I think they likely agree with her, Bill."

"Oh, they agree with her, do they? And do they think it's okay to send around pamphlets making the outrageous claim that your opponent would deny all rape victims any medical treatment? There's not even just a bit of distortion there, I'll bet!"

"I think it's a fair assertion, Bill..."

"And I suppose your candidate having one of her aides shoving reporters asking inconvenient questions to the ground right in front of her, and then claiming to know nothing about the incident is nothing to be concerned with either?"

"He was just looking out for her, Bill, the reporter tripped."

"Right... he tripped... right after the guy pushed him. And how in the world can this woman be so ignorant and out of touch as to scoff at the idea of a candidate shaking hands with the folks outside an iconic public venue as revered up there as Fenway Park, and then a few days later go on a radio talk show and call heroic Boston sports figure Curt Schilling a Yankees fan? A Yankees fan??? Curt Schilling??? The man who literally put the 'Red Sock' in Red Sox just a few short years ago? Against those same much hated Yankees??? I just cannot believe that this woman could live in the state of Massachusetts and make that kind of a blunder, I mean... come on! You guys really just have to seriously be throwing this election! No one could be this incompetent! No one!"

"Like I said before, Bill, all campaigns make mistakes..."

"Right. Mistakes. So, now that the polls show a tight race, and many of them even have you behind in a race you were supposed to win in a blowout just a short time ago, what do you plan to do now?"

"Well, we have President Obama coming to the state to stump for her, and we'll even be handing out some adorable little Martha Coakley hand puppets at the rally. In fact, Senator Harry Reid was good enough to model one of them for us on the Senate floor just the other day..."

"Do we have a picture of that to put up there?"

[Bill laughing] "And you mean to tell me you believe that in the political environment in which we find ourselves today, you think this is a positive image for your candidate??? That this is the way you want the voters to see her? As a puppet for Harry Reid???"

"I think it looks cute, Bill. And I think the people of Massachusetts would agree with me that it is just the image of Martha Coakley that suits her best."

"And you still deny you are trying to throw this thing?"

"Honestly, Bill, I'm doing all I can to see to it that the right candidate wins."

"Well, I guess I can't disagree with that! Thanks for coming on tonight, Mr. Evor. And, folks, it's like we always say: We report, you decide..."

One to beam up!

2010-01-14T12:40:00.008-06:00

[Click on image to enlarge.]

It's just soooo their color!

(Cross-posted at IMAO. Thanks, Frank!)

The Jihadi 6 Pack

2009-12-30T18:10:00.005-06:00

[Click on image for a closer look.]

Cross posted at IMAO, where I am once again guest-posting (thanks, Frank)!

Somebody Up There Likes Me!

2009-12-18T02:49:00.005-06:00

Greetings from Copenhagen!

Having a good time, wish you were here! Hugs and kisses!

Love, Al!

Now How Much Will You Pay?

2009-12-16T00:31:00.004-06:00

It's finally here! An album that cost trillions of American tax dollars to produce!

Appropriately enough, it never mentions "You Know Who" or those crazy stories of His supposed birth at all. Instead, you get all new seasonal carols that every Progressive should love, allowing us to celebrate our new Lord and Savior, Barack Obama, the Holy Church of Big Goverment and the one true religion: Anthropogenic Global Warming!

Here's what you get...

The First Nobel
BARACK OBAMA & THE LIBERAL MEDIA GLEE CLUB
Grandma Got Run-Over By Our Health Care Plan
BARACK OBAMA, HARRY REID & NANCY PELOSI
Santa Claus Is Going To Drown!
AL GORE
How The Stimulus Saved (Or Created) Christmas! [A Dramatic Reading]
JOE BIDEN
It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Every Other Day
THE ACLU ORCHESTRA
Rudolph, Our Cruelly Enslaved Animal Brother
THE PETA HOLIDAY CHORALE
Bring The Olympic Torch To Chicago, Jeanette, Isabella
BARACK & MICHELLE OBAMA featuring OPRAH WINFREY
Parade Of The Winter Soldiers
JOHN KERRY
The Littler Hummer Girl
BILL CLINTON & MONICA LEWINSKY
For Into The U.S. A Trial Is Borne
ERIC HOLDER
What Child Prostitute Is This?
THE ACORN COMMUNITY CHOIR
Tingle Bells
CHRIS MATTHEWS
We Thirty-Plus Pinkos Anointed As Czars
THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT SINGERS
I Saw Daddy Fisting Santa Claus
KEVIN JENNINGS & THE GLSEN CHILDRENS' CHORUS

Don't miss out on this once in a lifetime offer, operators are standing by! Order now!

The Greens are Now at "Condition Red"

2009-12-01T02:24:00.008-06:00

It seems that color-coded threat-level meters are all the rage now-a-days, so we here at America is an Obamanation took it upon ourselves to create a new one designed to allow progressives to keep each other alerted to the level of public scrutiny of all their favorite scams.

Due to the recent leaking of those super-secret e-mails extracted from the servers of the East Anglia Climate Research Unit dubbed "Climategate," Anthropocentric Global Warming, perhaps the most propagandized load of horse-hockey in all of world history, would now likely need to be placed at threat-level red.

As a public service to our friends on the political left, let's see how many other of their favorite canards we can place on the scale for them based on their current behavioral patterns. Have fun!

[Click on image for a closer look.]

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T15:25:00.002-06:00

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Step Right Up...

2009-11-20T22:07:00.009-06:00

[Click on the image for a closer look.]

The Proper Care and Feeding of Moonbats

2009-11-17T00:53:00.002-06:00

While we recover from a bout of writer's block, please enjoy this piece of nostalgia from Mr. Right's Greatest Hits collection...

It has come to our attention here at America is an Obamanation that many people foolishly plan to purchase moonbats as pets for themselves or their children during this holiday season. While the appeal of keeping these hideously ugly, ill-tempered, high-pitched screeching wonders of nature as housepets truly eludes us, we hope to perform a public service by presenting these helpful tips for caring for your new pet, courtesy of the world's foremost moonbat expert, Dr. Wayne Bruce:

The Responsible Pet Owner

The first, most important thing for all responsible moonbat owners to do is to have their pets spayed or neutered immediately to help control the moonbat population. This is especially important during election cycles, as they tend to go into heat at such times. Attempts to increase their numbers can be loud, obnoxious and quite dangerous to civilized societies. Remember, the world has more than enough moonbats already, so be responsible and help us to keep their numbers in check.

A Brief History of the Moonbat in the Wild

The common moonbat, or vespertilio lunaris, was first catalogued as a species during the 1960s, when it was found primarily in large, colorful, and quite smelly colonies on or near college campuses across the United States. Sometimes referred to as "Hippies", they also frequently migrated in large numbers to various fields and stadiums, usually drawn by the lure of psychedelic rock music or very bad folk singing and the smell of burning rope. Though their numbers have dwindled somewhat since then, they are, unfortunately for society, not yet ready for the endangered species list. Over the years, they have shifted from nesting inside college dorms to faculty lounges and the studios of many mass media outlets with alarming ease. Many have even found their way into government offices, where they can be especially dangerous and hard to get rid of! Attempts to control the moonbat population have met with only moderate success, but many moonbats will surprisingly enough, with time, evolve into something resembling a human being. Unfortunately, though, many do not manage this metamorphosis, and these are what we sometimes call "Deaniacs", "KOSsacks", "DUmmies", or more simply, "Fruitcakes".

The Moonbat as a Housepet

While keeping moonbats as pets is never recommended due to their volatile tempers and generally sociopathic behavior, some people have found them so fascinating as to want to while away the hours watching their wild, unpredictably goofy antics up close. Since we can not prevent people from making the terrible mistake of bringing a moonbat into the home, and since some human children occasionally devolve into moonbats while away at college after being bitten by a particularly rabid one, we offer this guide as a public service to help you in dealing properly with your new pet.

Housing Your Moonbat

Being cold-blooded and not very bright by nature, the captive moonbat will typically prefer to dwell somewhere dark, cool and damp, such as a dimly lit basement or attic, a filthy bedroom, or a room above the family garage. The faint odor of incense or scented candles is often detectable near a moonbat's nest, and they will usually horde such things. It is highly recommended that a responsible owner encourage the regular use of such objects to drown out the stench usually associated with the creatures, whose hygiene habits can best be described as deplorable!

Provide your moonbat with plenty of aluminum foil with which to line his nest and encase his cranium, as this will ease his irrational fear of Karl Rove's "mind-ray". He may occasionally playfully attempt to wrap the heads of other family members in tinfoil as well. This behavior, though seemingly odd, is quite harmless and a sign of great affection, so play along once in awhile to make your moonbat feel loved and accepted.

Your moonbat will need access to the Internet so he can vent his pent-up anger and feed his insatiable need for outrageous conspiracy theories and anti-Bush rhetoric, so be certain to provide him with a computer and a modem connection. He will happily spend hour after hour at such mind-boggling, psychotic websites as Democratic Underground, Daily Kos, The Huffington Post, Indymedia, MoveOn.org, Eschaton, Oliver Willis and Pandagon, blaming President Bush for everything from tsunamis to global warming on Mars. It is this very behavior that makes moonbats so entertaining and has caused such an explosion in their popularity as housepets --- but be warned, if left unchecked, your moonbat can easily become "net addicted" and spend every waking moment on the computer, trolling Republican-friendly websites and calling everyone he finds a Nazi. Some have even taken to hacking websites of people they don't find agreeable and calling milbloggers baby-killers. If your moonbat begins to demonstrate this sort of ultra-aggressive behavior, his computer privileges must be revoked and, as difficult as it may be, it would probably be best for everybody if he were humanely put down.

Moonbat Diets

Many moonbats are herbivores, reacting angrily at the sight of meat, fish or dairy products. They can exist happily on granola, fresh fruits and vegetables, twigs, tofu, diet soda, Evian and yogurt. For other moonbats, you may need to provide an extensive array of snack foods such as Hostess snack cakes or anything ending in -itos! They also frequently enjoy Triple Mocha Latte Cappuccinos from Starbucks, but these can be rather expensive. Often, moonbats also liberally use tobacco products and may smoke funny little herbs that resemble oregano. It is recommended, however, that you discourage this last behavior, as it leads to binge snacking and nonsensical babbling --- that is to say, more than usual. Many also crave copious amounts of alcohol, but this is also considered dangerous and should not be permitted.

The most important staple of any moonbat's diet, though, is Kool-Aid --- and lots of it! Lacking self-control, they will usually drink all the Kool-Aid they can find, so it is wise to ration it to keep them from overdosing. A pitcher or two a day should suffice, and alternating flavors for the sake of variety is always a nice gesture.

Mating Rituals

The unfixed moonbat will typically try to reproduce when in heat, mostly during election cycles, and often by attempting to bite, and thereby infect, healthy human beings. They may also attempt to obtain a member of the opposite sex for brainwashing and/or breeding purposes, often bathing themselves liberally in Patchouli oil in a misguided attempt to attract a mate. They are rarely successful at the second method, thankfully, as they usually refuse to bathe, brush their teeth, shave any part of their anatomy, or get a haircut. The bite of a rabid moonbat in heat, while rarely fatal, can manage to infect the weak-minded and it is for this reason that we ask you to be responsible and spay or neuter your moonbat immediately!

The mating call of the lovesick moonbat is easily recognizable, as it is typically characterized by such phrases as, "No blood for oil"; "Bush lied, kids died"; "We support our troops... when they shoot their officers"; "Selected not elected"; "Bush is a Nazi"; and "Make love, not war". They will sometimes paint these phrases, rife with misspellings and images of swastikas and President Bush with a little black Hitler mustache, on cardboard signs and gather together to wave them and chant at passers-by and the occasional TV camera. They are best ignored at such times, as attention will only encourage the behavior.

Health and Well-Being

It is important to remember never to taunt or tease your moonbat. If he prefers to dwell in a parallel universe where Al Gore or John Kerry is President and/or all Republicans have been removed from office in a mass impeachment, it is best not to remind him of reality with harsh statements of fact such as, "Get over it, Bush won!" Such statements have been known to cause moonbats to attack viciously. Facts and logic are particularly harmful to moonbats, and must be avoided when interacting with your pet.

The cardinal rule with moonbats is that one must never, ever encourage them to vote or to seek to dwell in a government building, as this would be dangerous to the continued well-being of society! Too many moonbats are already loose in American government at all levels, and it will already take us years to fumigate them all!

Thank you and enjoy your new pet!

Dr. Wayne Bruce, DVM
Chief Moonbatologist
American Veterinary Center for the Study of Common Household Pests and Other Useless Vermin

********************

Originally posted at The Right Place on January 1, 2006.

The Halloween 2009 Cavalcade of Horror!

2009-10-25T19:49:00.018-05:00

[Click on any of the images in this post for the full size versions.]

Our Halloween Film Festival of classic horror flicks begins by paying homage to a true giant in the Washington horror industry for many decades whom we tragically lost earlier this year:

But for every great star lost, a new star is born! Presenting the awe-inspiring debut of the most talked about new member of the Washingwood glitterati, the pride of Orlando, Florida... Democrat Congressman Alan Grayson:

And now for the rest of our creature features, each one more terrifying than the last and guaranteed to make your skin crawl... and the liberal media's extremities tingle! Enjoy them all... if you dare! Muwahahahaha!!!:

Goodnight, America. Sweet dreams... Muwahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Best New Peace Artist

2009-10-09T14:40:00.006-05:00

Inspired by a comment by Rob Banks in a post by Gregory of Yardale at Moonbattery.

UPDATE:

Howie from The Jawa Report wants to help Obama win the Heisman Trophy! Quick, somebody call ACORN, we can use their help on this one!

Ace is on the case, too!

UPDATE II:

Frank J. of IMAO believes he knows the real reason Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize!

Meanwhile, also at IMAO, Harvey has some suggestions for the 2010 Peace Prize Nominees.

UPDATE III:

What the hell, why not? From Cuffy Meigs, Obama wins... everything!!!

UPDATE IV:

Ace and Slublog offer lots more Obama trophy photos! Way to go, O!

Leadership...

2009-10-04T00:45:00.001-05:00

Make your own motivational poster HERE

The New Tsar Wars Action Figures Are Here!

2009-09-19T13:37:00.012-05:00

Obami comes complete with his Lie-Saber:

The Queen's package includes sewing patterns for making new ensembles for her from your drapes, bedspreads and couch covers:

And then there's Joe-Jar who comes with nothing, not even a clue:

Collect 'em all!

Captioning fun for the photo session that inspired the above can be found at:

IMAO
Caption This!
Wizbang

Also, make sure to check out Jim Treacher's take on it, too.

Good to the Last Drop...

2009-09-15T16:54:00.003-05:00

h/t Moonbattery

9/11

2009-09-11T22:13:00.002-05:00

Didn't feeling like being silly today. Something appropriate HERE.

Meet "Fred"

2009-09-10T13:13:00.003-05:00

I have just posted what might be my "grand finale" post over at IMAO, which features my first-ever YouTube movie!

Check it out:

[For more, click on over to IMAO.]

The President Addresses Congress on Health Care

2009-09-09T19:42:00.010-05:00

Moonbat Martyrdom and the Maxed Out Race Card

2009-09-09T01:53:00.018-05:00

Look what that sick cracker Mr. Right just posted over at The Right Place and IMAO:

As with any religion, Moonbattery has its share of martyrs.

The Fastest way to martyrdom in the Church of Moonbattery is to be exposed to the world at large as the left-wing fringe lunatic you are and to, as a direct result of such exposure, be chased out of a position of trust or authority.

That you are, in fact, a left-wing fringe lunatic is a given with these people. If you weren't, they wouldn't worship and adore you. It is the exposure of your true nature to too many sane, rational people that brings about your downfall, as the only way to advance Moonbattery is to successfully hide what you are up to from the masses long enough to do great damage to American society, just as it is written in the Moonbat Bible, Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals.

Such is the case with Van Jones, the much lamented ex-Czar of "Green Jobs." Seven months into this mess of an administration, no one can point to a single job, green, orange, mauve, magenta, taupe or otherwise that this genius created with the $60 billion he was handed from the "stimulus" package, but no one on the left or in the media (but I repeat myself) seems to care about such trivialities.

Nope --- it's damage control time on Moonbattery's front lines! The more people they can keep from learning the real truth about Van Jones, the less damage that will be done to the movement and their precious Obama Administration.

So to listen to them, when they will even deign to discuss it all, the reason Van Jones got towed away to the scrapyard was all due to a "vicious smear campaign" conducted by Glenn Beck, talk radio and right-wing bloggers. It had nothing whatsoever to do with his being a 9/11 "Truther" loon, nor did it have to do with his being an avowed Communist, nor his being a founding member of the Marxist radical group STORM, nor his naming his newborn son after a Communist revolutionary in 2006, nor his advocacy of freeing notorious cop-killer and far-left radical Mumia Abu-Jamal (with whom he cut a rather disgusting album, incidentally), nor his belief in a conspiracy by "whitey" to poison blacks with industrial pollution, etc., etc., etc.

Nope, all smoke and mirrors, kiddies! The reasons for Van Jones downfall according to the left? He dared to call Republicans a$$h@les (which, of course, everyone knows is true) in a video that got splashed around on YouTube, compared former President George W. Bush to a "crackhead" in yet another YouTube moment, oh, and of course...

RACISM!!!

That's right, out comes the race card yet again. It really seems to be the only bullet left in their arsenal right now, doesn't it?

You know what else is attributed to racism by the left?

Any and all criticism of Barack Obama, his administration, his proposals, his policies, his past, his associates, the neckties he wears, the brand of shampoo he uses, his method of holding his fork while eating his waffles...

RACISM!!! RACISM!!! RACISM!!!

There is not one blessed thing on this earth that anyone could rationally disagree with this turkey or the rest of his witless drones about that would not get them labelled as "racists."

I bet you didn't even realize that the real reason you and I do not support Obama's health care plan is because we don't want poor black people and Hispanics to have free medical care. And here we were deluding ourselves into thinking it was because of the outrageous cost; the further over-empowerment of an already far too powerful government; the massive, crushing debt; the potential severe and permanent damage to the economy; the likelihood of an eventual end to all private insurance plans; the inevitable rationing of care; the unavoidable reduction of the overall quality of what is today the finest health care system in the entire world (not to mention a whole host of other very real concerns).

Nope, we're all just a bunch of racists.

Well, I don't know about you, but I've had it! The time has come for us, as the responsible adults in this political family, to take away junior's race card.

The race card is maxed out and you're not able to keep up with the payments anymore. You were warned time and again to only use it in a real emergency when real, actual racism was around and threatening to harm people, but instead you just kept whipping it out during every petty argument you ever got into with someone who didn't agree with your politics and kept on running up the bill. Well, enough is enough, children. You've been totally irresponsible with it and we're just not letting you use it anymore, so hand it over!

Now go to your room!

This Van Was a Real Clunker

2009-09-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

[Click on image to enlarge]

Another Brick in the Head

2009-09-03T07:00:00.006-05:00

EXCLUSIVE!

Thanks to anonymous sources, we here at America is an Obamanation! (and IMAO) have managed to get hold of a secret communique from Secretary of Education Arne Duncan to members of the teachers' union regarding the President's live address to our nation's school children this coming Tuesday:

Greetings, my fellow educators and indoctrination coordinators!

As I am certain you are well aware by now, a truly exciting day in the annals of history approaches, as our beloved President will address school children all over this quite plain and undistinguished nation on Tuesday, September 8th, to ask their help in moving this backward, bitter land of bible-clinging troglodytes forward into the glorious international collective of tomorrow.

I hope you are all as excited as I am by this new and hopeful day of change we can all believe in!

By now, you should have received your classroom kits and instructions on how to make this a true moment of insight and enlightenment for all of the good little progressives who have been entrusted to your care. Remember, our Dear Leader is counting on the cooperation of each and every one of you to help undo any damage that may have been inflicted on our poor, dear children by their awful, evil-mongering parental units during this excruciatingly long and painful summer. Thankfully, though, we have them back under our control now and with your hard work and commitment to our just and noble cause, I am quite certain that their young heads full of mush can still be molded into what our Great Society most needs --- conformist worker drones.

Be certain to engage the students in the Party approved activities before, during and after The Great One's sure-to-be awe-inspiring speech. It is imperative that we not miss this opportunity to drive home The Messiah's message to these impressionable young children, so they can begin helping us push our agenda on the American People while we still can.

Unfortunately, some students may not be as cooperative as we might hope. Luckily, there are proven methods of dealing with their misbehavior...

[Bart Simpson Chalkboard Generator]

Should that prove ineffective, there is no cause for alarm as we are including several bottles of our newest formula in your classroom kits!

Yours in Faithful "O"bedience,

Arne Duncan

United States Secretary of Education

BREAKING:
The Nose on Your Face has an exclusive copy of the original draft of the Dept. of Education's classroom activities sheet.

Guess Who is Guest Blogging Over at IMAO?

2009-09-02T22:48:00.005-05:00

Go on, guess!

Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint...

It's me!

Well, I guess that was a pretty big hint, really.

Kind of gave it away entirely. I was never very good at this game.

Anyway, I am honored and humbled to be a part of one the greatest blogs on the whole worldwide interwebby thingy.

I will be over there for about a week and some change.

My first post is here for anyone that might care. More to come...

No One Respects the Obama Interrogation Policy

2009-08-31T22:17:00.000-05:00

Our Chief Weapon is Surprise. That's It, Just Surprise.

*Rev. Right adds: Well, if surprise is ever deemed to be torture, there's always the "comfy chair!"

In Memorium...

2009-08-26T13:21:00.002-05:00

Paging Dr. Obama, Dr. Reid, Dr. Pelosi...

2009-08-25T00:35:00.010-05:00

Click on images for a closer look...

When Harry Met Thelma

2009-08-09T19:34:00.000-05:00

Spinning Out of Control...

2009-08-05T20:25:00.004-05:00

[Click on image for a closer look.]

A Prescription for Endless Nightmares...

2009-07-31T01:11:00.005-05:00

********************

UPDATE 8/2/09:

Who is that masked man? Wonder no longer... THE MONSTER IS UNMASKED!

[As per usual, click on the image for a closer look.]

How Obama Sees the World

2009-07-15T19:43:00.003-05:00

Remember when the left used to do this Reagan? Payback is a Hillary.

Click to Enlarge

Goodbye Cruel World! Obama's TelePrompTer™ Comes to an Untimely End. A Nation Mourns.

2009-07-15T15:35:00.011-05:00

TelePrompTer™, 2007-2009

Obama's best friend and co-star throughout his Presidential run and subsequent rule of error came to an untimely end during a press conference yesterday.

Following the incident, federal authorities immediately sealed TelePrompTer™'s White House office, pending further investigation.

"It's always troubling when someone this close to the President of the United States dies so suddenly and unexpectedly," read a brief statement issued by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "Our thoughts and prayers are with his family."

The President was said to be at a loss for words.

According to sources, the cause of death has been ruled accidental. The coroner reportedly called it severe trauma from a fall resulting from a long-term overdose of bullsh*t.

The Vice-TOTUS was sworn in shortly after he was notified of his predecessor's passing (reportedly by his father on the family bible) so as not to in any way disrupt the chain of command in the American government.

Below is graphic video/audio of TelePrompTer™'s sad demise. Be warned, it is not for the faint of heart

The Hollywood community was especially hard hit by this tragedy, as TelePrompTer™ had won wide acclaim for his moving portrayal of a gay cowboy in Barack BackMouthin' earlier this year and had just finished work on the new Batman sequel, in which his turn as the Joker is said to have been nothing short of electrifying.

And the President, once again, is said to have been "a natural" in his co-starring role...

Plans for a memorial service are still pending, but the TOTUS is expected to be lying in state in the Rotunda at the Capitol before the end of the week.

ELEPHANT MAN'S ESTATE MAKES BID TO PURCHASE JACKO'S REMAINS

2009-07-08T17:17:00.003-05:00

Shortly after the conclusion of the Michael Jackson Memorial Service Spectacular yesterday, representatives of Joseph Merrick's estate contacted Jackson Family lawyers with an offer to purchase the Gloved One's remains for the sum of $1 million.

While admitting they were tempted by the offer, which would have helped (ever so slightly) to offset the massive debt left behind by the King of Pop, the family declined, saying instead that plans were now in the works for a lucrative new World Tour for Jackson's corpse. Sources now say he is to be reanimated by the same "Imagineers" for the Disney theme parks responsible for the Hall of Presidents attraction.

"They're really planning a stunning show," said an anonymous tipster. "He's going to be decked out just as he was for the zombie dance scene in the Thriller video, and after a few weeks, they'll even be able save a ton of money because he won't need the make-up anymore! I can hardly wait for the rehearsals to start!"

No word yet on the opening act, though rumors have been flying about unusual activity near the grave of Elvis Presley at Graceland Mansion. Stay tuned!

THE LORD OF THE LEFT WING - Part I

2009-06-29T22:54:00.011-05:00

by Erik Nolt, Jr.

BOOK I - THE FELONSHIP OF THE QUISLINGS

This story is largely concerned with habits... bad voting habits... and from its paragraphs a reader may (with any luck) discover much of their own character and a little of their own history.

CHAPTER I: A Long, Expensive Party

Long ago, in the eastern region of Morpork, there dwelt in the fiery depths of Mount Dumb in the heart of the ancient city of Wasting-Tons, a great and powerful evil necromancer known as Lord Soros. It was here within his evil volcano lair that he set about a plot to take over all of the once proud land of Belittled Worth.

Map of Belittled Worth [Click on map for a closer look]

To accomplish this end, he needed an army --- An army of mindless dolts who would bend easily to his will and would not be tempted by conscience to stray from his mission of darkness. And so it was that he constructed his own soldiers by fusing the DNA of several lowly creatures, each selectively bred for the worst of their traits.

The Eye of Soros

He began, appropriately enough, with demons, selected for their lack of morals and pure wickedness, as well as their slyness and ability to easily possess the souls of mortal men and to tempt them into evil deeds with their glib tongues.

Next, he selected the orcs, twisted, ugly and fierce warriors capable of great cruelty.

Then, common sewer rats, cunning and sneaky and adept at spreading pestilence and disease, and laying waste to whole cities.

Finally, he threw in the essence of ticks, parasitic blood-sucking insects, as a final touch.

To celebrate the birth of this new lifeform, the evil Lord Soros threw a party in their honor, a party so infamous for its immense cost, sheer excess and unbridled debauchery, the mere mention of it will forever fill good men with the urge to vomit... and so it was that the Demon-Orc-Rat-Tick Party was born... and continues to this very day... and all of us have been stuck with the bill!

Blarney Fink (D - Massahugedebts)

Over the years, even as the endless celebration of all things wicked and depraved continued unabated, some folks shortened the name of this nightmarish cauldron of malevolence to the "Democrat" Party. Many of its witless worshipers, however, insisted on the more formal "Democratic" Party, arguing that the former ignored the blood-sucking parasite portion of their ancestry, something of which they were, surprisingly enough, quite proud. To this day, there are those that continue to try, stubbornly, to drop that pesky last syllable in spite of the protests, but find, much to their chagrin, that you can never quite manage to get the "ic" out of the Democratic Party.

To be continued...

You Got Served!

2009-06-11T18:24:00.009-05:00

Have it HIS way: No bread and no (way to ever) ketchup!

[Click on image for a closer look]

(All apologies to BK and Mickey D's!)

A New Game in Town

2009-06-04T02:15:00.007-05:00

[Click on image for closer view.]

The object of the game is to destroy American capitalism by having the government take over everything!

Tokens include a bus, a teleprompter, a sprig of arugula and a waffle iron.

Wanna play? No??? Too bad, you're already playing... and quite frankly, in this game, nobody wins!

********************
UPDATE:

OOPS!

I inadvertently flipped the "Income Tax" and "CNN" squares on the original board. Eagle eye award to the Great Harvey Olson of IMAO and Bad Example fame for the heads up. It has been now been corrected. (I can't believe I did that!)

Briefings? What Briefings???

2009-05-15T04:15:00.005-05:00

[Click the image for a closer look]

The Real Reason Behind the Low-Level Statue of Liberty Fly-By Finally Revealed!

2009-05-10T21:54:00.003-05:00

********************

UPDATE!

More shocking revelations about the Scare Force One "Photo Op."

********************

UPDATE #2:

More Scare Force One photos have been leaked!

LEAKED PHOTO ONE
LEAKED PHOTO TWO

Save the Polar Bears, Save the World

2009-04-21T15:35:00.010-05:00

by Al Gore

My fellow Americans, I would like to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you (except those of you in Florida) a happy Earth Day!

As you know, our planet is quickly dying. Burning to a crisp, a charred ball of cinderous ashes hanging silently in space, due to cow flatulence, S.U.V.'s and hair care products. We can still save it, but we must act together and we must act now!

Think about it. What will you tell your grandchildren some day in the not too distant future, when we're all dead and they are never born because you couldn't turn down your thermostat, walk those few measly miles to and from the grocery store with your arms full of heavy grocery bags, and eat delicious meals of tofu and bean curd instead of meat and animal byproducts? What will you say to them then?

Nothing. Because we'll all be dead and they will never have been born.

But it need not happen!

Today, I am announcing a new initiative to save this planet from an untimely end. Several months ago, I came up with an idea to save one of nature's most precious natural resources: the polar bear.

As you know, these majestic and beautiful creatures are dying out due to the cruel destruction of their habitat by man-made global warming. They are running out of sea ice at the North Pole, which will be completely ice-free within the next few years. As a result, the polar bears are plunging into the sea and, since they are unable to swim, they are drowning at the rate of hundreds each day!

To put an end to this senseless tragedy, a team of scientists and myself developed a new life vest designed especially for polar bears! It is called the "Wildlife Saver."

To put our plan into action, a team of volunteers and myself set out with a small documentary film crew to fit as many of the bears as we could manage with these miraculous new life saving vests.

It was a grueling adventure. At one point, my boat began taking on water and I had to try to bail it out as best I could before the film crew and I were tossed into the sea! As you can see from the picture below, captured by one of the volunteers in a nearby boat, it was quite a harrowing moment!

Unfortunately, my heroic efforts were less than successful. I had to be taken aboard the other boat while the film crew was left to be scalded to death in the nearly boiling hot waters of the Arctic Ocean! It was a terrible moment. After all the months of planning, there we were at the North Pole without a film crew. When that boat sank, so did my heart, for with it went any chance of another Oscar! Oh, well.

Soldiering on, the rest of the volunteers and I did manage to find some polar bears, and almost a dozen of those brave souls lost their lives trying to get the new vests on just a small handful of the bears.

But I would dare say even they believe it was well worth it!

Sadly, we can't do it alone. We need more money and, of course, more brave volunteers.

Every minute that goes by, another of these majestic creatures is lost to the sea forever.

Please help us today by joining up for the next rescue mission, or sending a generous donation made payable to me, Al Gore.

Thank you, and may Mother Gaia bless and keep us all.

A special thanks to this guy.

DHS Unveils New Seal and Threat Table

2009-04-16T20:45:00.035-05:00

Dear Citizens,

In light of recent revelations regarding the true nature of the threats to our way of life made clear in a recent report, we at the Department of Homeland Security have decided to change our focus from foreign terrorists to a menace of a decidedly more domestic nature. As a result, we felt some changes were in order.

First, there was the matter of our official seal.

As you can see, it was not very politically correct. It looked far too warlike and menacing with that eagle, shield and arrows. Instead, we have had it redesigned to a much more friendly symbol, as seen below.

Updated Seal...

The beautiful little endangered Orwellian Fruit Bat was chosen by the Sierra Club and helps call attention to the plight of our delicate ecosystem. The moon symbolizes our vigilance to protect our wonderful new government, even in the dark of night, from those that would seek to undermine it. We have added a small yellow design of no real significance, which I am assured is an international symbol of peace and friendship. We have even incorporated the Obama campaign seal, a symbol that has come to be seen by millions as a beacon of hope and change.

We hope this new seal will help all newcomers crossing our borders feel more at ease in our country. (A reminder to our new arrivals: Please register to vote at the nearest ACORN office or local Department of Motor Vehicles. Coloqúese por favor para votar en la oficina más cercana de la ACORN o el departamento local de vehículos de motor.)

While the new Administration may no longer feel threatened by the masses of undocumented future Democrats crossing our borders in unknown numbers or the many worshippers of the great and peaceful faith of Islam who may sometimes accompany them, we do feel there are, unfortunately, much more sinister threats staring all of us in the face... Conservatism and Libertarianism!

I wish to reassure all Politically-Correct Americans, that every possible step is being taken to protect our newly acquired power from the grasp of this creeping evil, but we must remain ever-vigilant, or a non-liberal Democrat may win an elected office in your area at sometime in the near future. To aid in our joint struggle against these extremists, we have updated the color-alert system developed by the previous administration and will be issuing advisories along with specifics about any known threats such as VFW meetings, future "Tea Parties" or Republicans shown within striking distance in any election poll.

Right now, we remain at Threat Level Yellow, though please be advised that Fox News, talk radio and right wing blogs are considered to be at Threat Level Orange!

Updated Threat Table...

As part of our efforts to warn the public about all possible threats to our New Age of Hope and Change, we have also created this Official Website Content Warning Badge, which all websites that contain politically objectionable content will be asked to display...

Compliance will be voluntary, at first, and then, much like the President's new GIVE Act, it will be made a mandatory sort of voluntary in the near future!

Those of you who have websites which feature politically incorrect thought, are asked to display one of the following badges in your sidebar...

230x230 Sidebar Version:

190x190 Sidebar Version:

Please link all badges back to this post and let us know you are in full compliance with the law by trackback, comment and/or email with a link to the blog(s) on which it is being displayed. Blogroll will be forthcoming, and DHS will begin monitoring all activities of those posting to, commenting on, or visiting these sites. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Secretary Janet "Nappy" Napolitano
U.S. Department of Homeland Security and Political Correctness Enforcement

p.s.,

Be certain to keep an eye on this individual, as he is clearly one of the most dangerous radicals of all!

********************

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Tired N Retired

From the Creators of "A Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue"...

2009-03-24T01:33:00.007-05:00

[Click to enlarge]

Finger Lickin' Good!

2009-03-17T00:11:00.001-05:00

Michelle Malkin is having a photoshop contest for "Obama Fingers" based on the ridiculous German frozen food concept pictured below. (Yes, they're real!)

Anyway, here's my entry (click on it for a better look):

You can see the others HERE.

Democrats Draft Legislation to "Retire" Illinois Senate Seat in Honor of Barack Obama

2009-02-17T12:19:00.005-06:00

Democrats in Congress were scrambling Tuesday to find a way to put an end to a new controversy swirling around Senator Roland Burris (D-IL). It now seems that the man who was recently appointed by former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (Impeached Crook-Chicago) to fill the Senate seat vacated by Our Lord and Savior, President Barack ~~Hussein~~ Obama, may have lied under oath about discussing payment for said seat with the Governor's brother. Unable to trust the voters of Illinois to do the right thing and elect yet another liberal Democrat with the proper skin pigmentation to fill the hallowed seat in any special election that may yet result from the scandal, a proposal was made, instead, to have the seat permanently "retired" to honor The King of All Unicorns. The idea quickly picked up unanimous support among Democrats everywhere.

Not content to simply leave it at one seat, however, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) soon put forth an even bolder proposal, "Just as Major League Baseball retired Jackie Robinson's uniform number for every team in honor of his breaking the sport's color barrier, we, too, must follow their example and retire one Senate seat from all fifty states in honor of President Obama's historic achievement in breaking the most important color barrier of all," she said in a speech from the Senate floor Tuesday.

"Here's how it will work," Senator Boxer explained. "Any state with two Democrats serving, other than Illinois, of course, will have both seats grandfathered in until one or the other Senator dies, voluntarily retires, or loses re-election, at which time the first such seat in each of those states to become vacated would be immediately and irrevocably 'retired' in honor of President Obama. In states which have one Senator from each party, the Republican seat would be immediately retired and in states represented by two Republicans, a panel of Senate Democrats will decide which one we dislike the least and retire the other one's chair forthwith."

"Think of the money we are going to save the American taxpayer by eliminating half the Senators," said Senate Budget Committee Chairman Kent Conrad (D-ND). "Half the salaries, half the expense accounts, half the staffs, half the perks... the savings could feasibly be expected to reach hundreds of millions of dollars annually. Why, you'd have to be a fiscally irresponsible nitwit NOT to support this idea!"

To celebrate this newly discovered windfall, the bill would also immediately quadruple the annual salaries, expense accounts, staffs and perks for all the remaining Senators, including those protected by the grandfather clause.

"What about the retired seats?" One reporter asked at a hastily assembled Senate press conference, "Do we just simply make do with fewer votes in the Senate for each bill?"

"The legislation has been crafted in such a way, that all the retired seats would still be allowed to vote in perpetuity in a way that most reflects the wishes of President Barack Obama," said a smiling Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY). "This would presumably be accomplished during his lifetime with a simple phone call, email or text message whenever necessary. The method for determining his wishes on any particular piece of legislation after his passing would be a bit trickier, but the bill does provide several hundred billion dollars in annual funding for Ouija Boards, crystal balls and a team of professional mediums to be screened, selected and appointed by the NAACP, Operation PUSH, the Congressional Black Caucus, MoveOn.org and the Democratic National Committee."

Reaction from opponents was swift and vocal, but those in favor of it were eager to defend the move.

"Any and all objections to this landmark proposal are, of course, strictly motivated by racism," said NAACP spokesperson Phyllis Whitt-Dredd. "Fortunately the legislation will outlaw all future dissent over anything supported by the Barack Obama Seats as a prosecutable hate-crime."

The bill also immediately "retires" the chair of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in honor of the man who formerly held his seat, Justice Thurgood Marshall, who said through his NAACP appointed medium, Miss Claire Voyant, "I am truly honored and touched by this gesture. This is the greatest day of my afterlife. Oh, and I declare this bill fully and completely constitutional!"

Also attached to the bill is the Pelosi-Reid Amendment, which changes the legal definition of "bipartisanship" to "legislation crafted with input from Democrats in both the House AND Senate."

According to a statement issued minutes ago, Republicans Arlen Specter (PA), Olympia Snowe (ME) and Susan Collins (ME) have agreed to support the bill "in the spirit of political cooperation and racial harmony as well as an irrational but all-consuming fear of being glared at menacingly by certain members of the mainstream media and our Democrat colleagues if we fail to obey their every command."

********************

UPDATE:

Too good not to share...

Presenting our "Visitor of the Day"

Media Votes to Expel Rod Blagojevich from Democrat Party

2009-01-29T23:10:00.004-06:00

By unanimous vote, representatives from all major American media organizations unceremoniously stripped former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich of his Democrat party affiliation late Thursday following his removal from office by the Illinois State Senate on corruption charges.

The expulsion is immediate and retroactive and forbids any member of the journalism community from ever again identifying Rod Blagojevich as a Democrat on air or in print, under penalty of professional decertification and a wicked swirly in the men's john at an undisclosed highway rest stop.

"I think it goes without saying that we would like to forget he was ever mistakenly referred to as a member of our party," stated Libby Slater, spokesperson for the 'politically unaffiliated' Journalists Against Conservative Killjoys Allied in Support of Socialism (JACKASS). "In fact, we have issued an edict demanding that all evidence of such an unwelcome association be tracked down and stricken from the record. This includes all archived video, audio, print and electronic media references to Mr. Blagojevich over the last 20 years. Luckily, since this latest scandal began, hardly anybody's been mentioning his so-called party affiliation anyway, just out of precaution."

No word yet and whether or not they will take the cruel and unusual step of officially re-branding him a "Republican."

(Developing...)

Newly Redesigned "Welcome to Illinois" Road Signs Unveiled

2009-01-10T00:47:00.007-06:00

In honor of our state's latest achievement, we thought they could use some tweaking...

Ain't they just (im)peachy?

America is an Obamanation Exclusive: Shocking "Foot"age of Bush Shoe Attack!

2008-12-14T21:56:00.010-06:00

Soon to rival the Zapruder Film in the annals of American history, America is an Obamanation presents a quick look at some still photographs lifted from an exclusive film we have obtained of the shockingly vicious attack perpetrated on our President Sunday in Iraq...

As you can see, the thrown shoes (2 of them in succession) fortunately missed the President, but only by "a couple of feet" according to witnesses.

The FBI and Secret Service have expressed interest in interviewing the following individuals in connection with Sunday's attack on the President. They are to be considered footed and extremely dangerous!

Random Task, professional henchman. Last known whereabouts: Gray-Bar Hotel, Orange County, CA, USA.

Dr. Evil, criminal mastermind. Last known whereabouts: Secret Volcano Lair.

Al Bundy, weapons dealer. Last known whereabouts: A couch in Chicago.

If you any have information about the incident or the three individuals above, please do not call the authorities as they are notorious for lacking a sense of humor and are likely to toss your sorry butt in jail!

Marathon Pundit's Obama-Chicago tour

2008-11-09T10:53:00.001-06:00

Roll up, roll up for Marathon Pundit's tour,
Roll up, it's the Obama-Chicago tour...
With apologies to the Beatles.

Several local media outlets have speculated about an expected bump in tourism for America's Obama's adopted home town of Chicago. And in the spirit of civic duty, I've put together an itinerary of what I believe are the must-see Obama sites in Chicago and beyond.

And away we roll!

Let's first stop north of the city, to the swank Chicago North Shore suburb of Wilmette. Pictured top is the mansion of Antoin "Tony" Rezko. Before Obama could become President-elect, he had to move out of the Illinois State Senate into something more substantial. In 2003, investor Blair Hull was the clear frontrunner in the polls for the Democratic Primary for the US Senate. Obama needed a lot of cash so he could be viewed as a viable candidate, and Rezko, Obama's first political sponsor stepped in and footed the bill for a fundraiser, one that included valet parking. Not that parking spaces are scarce on Rezko's street, but maybe the since-convicted felon was worried donors would drop their check books walking down the long driveway.

Rezko isn't living at his home, he's residing at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, 71 West Van Buren Street, in Chicago's Loop. It's pictured on the left. That's our next stop, but while Tony is in the building, you won't be. There is a "Tour Buses Not Welcome" sign on the front door of the MCC.

Now it's time for the tour to motor south on Interstate 94 to 1526 E. 55th Street on Chicago's South Side, the site of the former Hyde Park Co-op. The Co-op was a quasi-socialist operation which, at least in its latter days, specialized in providing a bad selection of groceries with high prices. Treasure Island, which touts itself as Chicago's most European supermarket, and it's an accurate claim, took over the location about a year ago. Merchandise is still expensive, but the quality of it is better. Obama is a supporter of union "card check," that is, allowing unions to be certified after a majority of workers sign a petition stating their wish to organize. Secret ballot--the American way--is how choosing unionization has been done in this country since the 1930s. The Co-op's workforce was unionized, but employees of the Treasure Island chain decertified its union last year--by secret ballot.

That's change the Treasure Island workers believed in.

While there, passengers can stock up on rare cheeses, and an assortment of fine wines for the next time you entertain your liberal friends.

Check "Yes" on your card and then check out another Hyde Park landmark, the home of America's most beloved unrepentant terrorists, Benardine Dohrn and Bill "Bomber" Ayers. It was in the living rooom of that rowhouse where Obama's political career began. Hard hats and safety goggles will be available for all passengers. Watch out for flying debris.

Heading a little bit west, our next Hyde Park disembarkation point is the "House that Rezko Helped Buy," pictured on the right. Behind the green sign is the infamous "Rezko lot." Rita Rezko, Tony's wife, purchased the sidelot on the same day in 2005 that the Obamas closed on their Georgian mansion. Late that year, the future first couple bough a 10 foot stip of the Rezko property.

Even before Rezko, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright played a major role in Obama's development as the leader of the Cult of Change. Our final tour stop is the president-elect's longtime place of worship, Trinity United Church of Christ, 400 West 95th Street. It was here that the church's now-infamous former pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, told cheering throngs that the government Obama will soon lead created the AIDS virus to kill blacks, that we should not say "God bless America, but God d*mn America," and that an alternative manner of referring to our great land is "the US of KKK-A."

While approaching the church, passengers will be entertained by some comedy. Bill Moyer's puff interview of Wright will be playing from the video consoles on the bus.

DVDs of Wright's fiery sermons will be available for purchase.

Passengers should not expect a friendly reception from the residents living in Trinity's neighborhood. When your tour guide took the picture on the left, I had to deal with constant car horn blasts, as well as the determined waving of a disapproving finger from one elderly driver.

Okay, you may not be able to feel the love at Trinity, but you'll get a great sense os history when taking Marathon Pundit's Obama-Chicago tour, where you can hang out where Obama hung out.

Send all payments for the tour to the recently deceased Nigerian oil minister. And tell them The Chosen One sent you.

Cross-posted on Marathon Pundit.

The Scariest Tale Ever Told!

2008-11-07T16:19:00.006-06:00

[Click on image to enlarge.]

And the scariest part? It's all true!

Call Sign, Red Three

2008-11-06T08:19:00.001-06:00

Props: Glenn Beck

Goodbye, Dear Friend...

2008-11-04T23:03:00.004-06:00

Thanks to all our contributors and readers!

Will the last one off the continent, please turn off the lights...

[Generate your own tombstone.]

********************

Too ironic not to steal...

h/t Vinnie at The Jawa Report

Gallows humor... it ain't much, but it's all we've got right now!

Enjoy the Smell of My Farts, Old Man. For Soon, You Will Be Back in the Senate, Enacting My Agenda. Bwah Ha Ha Ha Ha!

2008-11-02T12:45:00.002-06:00

In the Tank...

2008-10-29T13:33:00.001-05:00

...And prepared to flush!

At Least He's Holding the Right End This Time

2008-10-28T11:23:00.003-05:00

1. "Yeah... um.... uh....uh... yeah, um... it's so big you ... uh... uh... you big stud. Can I ...uh.... uhh...uh... touch it?"

Captions of Metalgarth

"Yes, I am interested in saving money on my car insurance, very interested"

"Press one if you know the name of the conservative blogger you need re-educated, press two if you'd like to select a conservative bogger from a list"

"No Lenny... I meant it when I said I needed Friday for myself"

Obama Beats McCain

2008-10-22T14:52:00.001-05:00

Finally, America has elected someone that key groups support - across the globe. Like black Europeans, the French, and Irish bookies.

Suck it Macedonia and Georgia! What do you know about picking an American president anyway? For too long we Americans made their choice on who would best lead America based on experience and common sense.

Congratulations President Obama! We did it! However, I kinda need my income tax refund now. I haven't worked in over a year, so you'll need to send it to my parent's house.

Election 2008 as 'Anchorman'

2008-10-21T07:00:00.008-05:00

Barack Obama is the Ron Burgundy of politics; hopeless without a teleprompter, stuck on himself, a cardboard cutout propped up by people working behind the scenes.

Sarah Palin is Veronica Corningstone, a smart chick who threatens the male establishment. When SNL introduces her as “Tits McGee,” she calmly corrects, “I’m Sarah Palin. Tits McGee is on vacation.”

A debate between Palin and Obama might go something like this...

Sarah Palin: Mr. Obama, you are acting like a socialist.
B.H. Obama: I'm not a socialist, I am The One. I am a transformational figure.
Sarah Palin: You are not a transformational figure. You are a big fat joke.
B.H. Obama: I'm a man who uh... uh... uh... organized ... hold on a minute, let me think... uh... uh... organized the community and spread the ... uh... wealth around. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With ...uh ... uh... uh... a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
Sarah Palin: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
B.H. Obama: You are a ...uh ... uh... uh... smelly pirate hooker.
Sarah Palin: You look like an idiot.
B.H. Obama: Why don't you go back to your home on ... uh ... Whore Island?
Sarah Palin: Well, you have big floppy ears.
B.H. Obama: [insulted] What did you say?
Sarah Palin: I said... your ears... look stupid.

[an A-bomb mushroom cloud is reflected in Obama's eyes; the knock-down drag-out fight begins]

Joe Biden is, of course, Brick Tamland.

Ain'tcha Glad the Left Is Too Sophisticated for all that Silly Religious Hokum?

2008-10-20T11:17:00.002-05:00

NRO

Poisonous to Trojan Messiahs:

2008-10-17T13:57:00.007-05:00

[Click image for larger view.]

********************

Also toxic to the left...

********************

This post proudly featured in the Carnival of the Insanities

Il Douchebag

2008-10-16T14:38:00.003-05:00

Moonbattery

A mere plumber thinks he should be allowed to earn $250,000? Why, only community organizers should be allowed to earn that kind of money!

i-d-i-o-t is a 5 letter word

2008-10-16T09:31:00.000-05:00

Obama ♥s Pie

2008-10-13T10:25:00.002-05:00

Meaowbama meow likes his meow pie. You meow know what meow? I meow like pie meow too.

Meow.

So What If Obama's Not Eligible to Be Elected President Under the Constitution?

2008-10-12T01:40:00.004-05:00

Stop trying to expose the truth! Acorn, Black Liberation Theology, Ayers & Dohrn, The New Party, etc., etc., etc.! Now this??? Shut up and worship your new Socialist overlord and savior, you racist pigs!!! And stop making these damned videos trying to get the truth out to American people!

And what exactly do you mean FACTCHECK.ORG is owned by Annenberg of Chicago??? So what! What they say is gospel! They are "non-partisan" and to be trusted implicitly when they repeatedly parrot the Obama campaign's talking points and deny the validity of any and all attacks on him! No conflict of interest there! Ignore such trivialities!

To all of this stuff and whatever else you may come up with I say: so what? Forget all that does not comply with the Obama narrative. Seek not the truth! You're too late, suckers! The press is in our pocket, Acorn is flipping all the battleground states blue with fraud, McCain is a wimp who refuses to fight back, and the American people are about to be tricked into electing the ultimate Trojan Horse, AND THERE'S NOT A DAMNED THING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT!!!

This election is already over! All your formerly capitalist societies are belong to us!

Now, bow down and worship Him, pigs!!!

h/t: Pam

Bush signs bailout bill

2008-10-03T15:54:00.001-05:00

Experts, Polls and Focus Groups All Confirm That Biden Stomped Palin in Tomorrow Night's Debate

2008-10-01T13:39:00.011-05:00

According to a consensus of the experts, as well as dozens of carefully screened undecided voters who were pooled as focus groups for the occasion, the experience and charm of Senator Biden trumped the clearly overmatched Sarah Palin in nearly every possible way during their planned debate.

Nearly every member of one key focus group raved about Senator Joe Biden's magnificent performance, but they were clearly disillusioned with the "Hockey Mom" from backwater Alaska.

According to Ima Libby, an undecided social worker from San Francisco proudly wearing several dozen Obama for President buttons on her Impeach Bush & Cheney Now t-shirt, "Senator Biden didn't stutter at all. He was very much in command of every subject." When asked about about Governor Palin's upcoming performance in the debate, she replied, "I really was not very impressed with her. She seemed too rehearsed and very ill-informed. What kind of experience does a Governor have that's relevant, anyway? She needs to get out and organize a community, maybe spend a hundred days or so in the Senate, then we'll talk. I frankly just don't think she's ready to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency."

Another undecided voter, Dick "Call Me Vicky" Tucker, a Transgendered Studies Professor at Warduvtha State College in Vermont and President of the campus' Democratic Atheists for Obama Society, was even less kind in his/her evaluation of Palin's forthcoming poor performance, "Speaking as a lifelong loyal Republican voter and a concerned Christian, I love Senator McCain dearly, but I think Sarah Palin hurts the ticket. I don't see how anyone can take her seriously at all. She has no experience. She murders helpless animals, but thinks it's okay to give birth to her daughter's special needs child and then go off and run for office and abandon him. She has no idea what real women in this country think," he/she said while adding another coat of makeup to correct for the onset of his/her five o'clock shadow. "As far as I'm concerned, she's not even a real woman at all!"

In a snapshot poll to be released immediately after the debate, those who claimed to have watched it gave the edge to Senator Biden by an overwhelming margin of 73% to 24%, with only 3% uncertain as to why they were being asked for an opinion on something that had not yet happened.

It is unclear yet just how badly Governor Palin's poor performance will hurt the McCain/Palin ticket in the polls. Most pollsters are leaning towards a 5 or 6 point shift in the next couple of days, though some are saying it should be more. A compromise figure is anticipated before the debate actually takes place.

*Note to self: Correct article to make all verbs past tense. Do not post until after debate!

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

2008-09-30T10:44:00.013-05:00

Hey guys, Chase here...sorry I haven't posted lately, things have been really crazy. The truth is I've been on a very top super-secret mission of utmost importance to Team Obama code named "Vote-or-they-Die". The project I've been working on will surely lead the unrepentant 50% of Amerikkka (aka - the racists) to vote for Barack Obama.

Reason Number 9: Vote for Obama or these kidnapped kids will be fed to a tank of rabid piranhas

I know it sounds horrible, but we really...really want Obama to win. So much so that we are willing to sacrifice the lives of these cute little kids to make that happen. You see, the O-Team is at the end of a medium-sized list of ideas to make people vote for Obama. What else can we do to show the rest of America that voting for Obama is the only logical thing to do? You know, other than this?

Check out the video we made for Project Vote-or-they-Die! Kids will sing the darnedest things when you withhold food and cartoons from them.

Note: This post is approved in the 49 free states. Those reading this post in Missouri are doing so at their own risk. The owners of this site will not bail you out of jail if Obama's Truth Squad catches you reading any non-approved materials (which we are pretty sure includes this site).

Other Reasons
Reason #8:Unfunny Wanker Comics for Hope (and some spare change)
Reason #7:Experience matters, MILFs don't
Reason #6: Georgia on my mind
Reason #5: The O-Force
Reason #4: Chase's Seal of Approval
Reason #3: The Fist Bump of Change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

More slanderous lies against Obama

2008-09-26T02:40:00.005-05:00

Uncle Ivan here. I'm still locked in the attic with my nephew's grannie, Madelyn "Stinky" Dunham. She mostly sleeps (and passes gas) so I can largely ignore her. But with all my spare time, I've been perusing that interweb thingy to find as much as I can on the news. And I found this:

Disgusting how they're involving that sweet boy with this whole banking mess isn't it?

*********************

ED: New link to "repaired" video... and a bonus video! Enjoy!

Thank you, Thing

2008-09-20T08:23:00.003-05:00

1. "Damn it! I dozed off in the senate and Hillary superglued my hand to my forehead."

2. "Obama wept" is the shortest verse in the Obama Testament. The following verse reads, "Because he just hated America so much."

3. "Hey, all is not lost! There's still some cocaine in my cuff!"

4. Rubbing tummy: FAIL!

5. "Hey, Barry, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, you'll die of cancer?" Hilldawg pwns the dumb senator from Chicago once again.

Get ready for "Obama The Musical"

2008-09-19T22:42:00.002-05:00

You can't make this stuff up. A new play, "Obama The Musical" will debut in October in London, as the London Telegraph tells us.

Written and produced by the Ohio-born Teddy Hayes, The Obama musical focuses on the personalities behind the Democratic candidate's campaign.

Songs in the show, due to receive its premiere at Barons Court Theatre next month, include "Obama and Me," which is sung by an obsessive member (My note: Aren't they all?) of his team and includes the lyric: "We are a pair/like chocolate and éclair."

Hayes said: "I've done a bit of work for the Obama campaign and this is a send-up of what happens behind the scenes."

Obama shouldn't get too excited, because it's pretty clear the Brits look down on Americans, particularly Chicagoans. London is where "Jerry Springer: The Opera" was first performed.

These lyrics may or may notbe from "Obama and Me."

We are a pair
like chocolate and éclair
Where for money to go?
I know--Tony Rezko
From Reverend Wright--it's prayers
For radical advice--it's Bill Ayers

I know this song will be a big hit. Father Michael Pfleger's guitar solo halfway into it impresses even Hillary Clinton.

Okay, I guess I can make one thing up.

Barack Obama Participates in International Talk Like A Pirate Day

2008-09-18T19:23:00.008-05:00

Today was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Obama, being the International celebrity that he is, decided to participate. It was, after all, International talk like a Pirate day.

So Barack, in the spirit of the day told his wife Michelle that he was going to talk like a pirate to the Swedish delegation that was visiting his campaign office.

So he gets up on stage and says:

Hello! I be delighted t' be havin' ye as me audience. I be plannin' t' lower taxes an' fix th' economy. I`ll end th' war in Iraq an' reduce our dependence on foreign oil.Ya swabbie!

Blank looks abounded.

Barack was confused. He'd talked just like a pirate, even with a "swabbie" thrown in. So, being the articulate person that he is, he restated his opening, this time in english.

Hello! I'm delighted to have you as my audience.I'm planning to lower taxes and fix the economy. I'll end the war in Iraq and reduce our dependence on foreign oil.

Total misfire. The Swedish delegates looked at each other in utter confusion. Barack didn't know what to do. About this time his wife Michelle got his attention and while Barack excused himself to hear what his wife had to say the delegates began to mumble. Michelle whispered something to Barack and he returned to the podium, where, to massive applause, he said:

Hellu! I'm deleeghted tu hefe-a yuoo es my oodeeence-a. I'm plunneeng tu looer texes und feex zee icunumy. I'll ind zee ver in Ireq und redooce-a oooor dependence-a oon fureeegn ooeel. Bork Bork Bork!

An Unfair Attack

2008-09-18T19:23:00.005-05:00

This "preacher", who is OBVIOUSLY a tool of The Man attacks my innocent and sweet nephew.

This will bring tears to your eyes. If that horrible horrible man could only pray for Barack it might be okay. That and a complete retraction.

Down with whitey.
~

h/t: Thirdwavedave and Atlas Shrugs

At Last... The Truth Comes Out!

2008-09-18T12:08:00.002-05:00

Take that, Trig's Granny!

h/t Nice Deb