Thank you, Thing

1. "Damn it! I dozed off in the senate and Hillary superglued my hand to my forehead."

2. "Obama wept" is the shortest verse in the Obama Testament. The following verse reads, "Because he just hated America so much."

3. "Hey, all is not lost! There's still some cocaine in my cuff!"

4. Rubbing tummy: FAIL!

5. "Hey, Barry, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, you'll die of cancer?" Hilldawg pwns the dumb senator from Chicago once again.