The Oprah has no bias!

The Oprah is tired of these salacious accusations!

The simple fact is, The Oprah is not biassed! The Oprah has merely endorsed a Presidential candidate and refuses to interview his opposition despite having interviewed him and having his wife interviewed on my radio station!

You little people must understand, it's not like The Oprah has interviewed Presidential candidates when The Oprah didn't endorse one.

The Oprah is sure Sarah Palin is a good mother and an impressive politician, but the simple fact is...

I AM THE OPRAH! THE OPRAH PASSETH ALL UNDERSTANDING! YOU MERE MORTALS DO NOT QUESTION THE POLITICAL VIEWS OF THE OPRAH! THE OPRAH IS ALL-KNOWING AND WISE! ALL WHO DEFY THE OPRAH SHALL PERISH!!!

And don't you dare sign this petition, lest you feel The Oprah's wrath.

The Oprah on California's recent same-sex "marriage" legislation.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!

Er...

Hellllllooooooo!!! It's meeeeeee, The Oprah!!!!!!!

The Oprah is so excited about California's issuing the first legal marriage licences to same-sex couples toniiiiight!

Now, as you know, The Oprah has chosen not to marry Gayle - I mean! - Stedman, but as far as The Oprah is concerned, people should be allowed to marry whomever they want. After all, marriage is just the right to receive joint tax benefits, control a partner's end-of-life decisions and lose half of your assets upon divorce.

Of course, a marriage partner is more than just a friend. After all, when it comes to Gayle... Well, there isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it – how can you be this close without it being sexual?

Oh, wait, what was The Oprah talking about?

Ah, yes.

OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Oprah knows Barack Obama is personally opposed to same-sex "marriage" for religious reasons. He also says homosexuality is not immoral if you really, really pressure him a lot. Granted, his now-former church largely supports it and he thinks Jesus Christ would support same-sex unions based on the Sermon on the Mount which would be contradictory insofar as homosexuals want marriage, not civil unions, which would not be total equality and thus violating the Golden Rule, BUT THE OPRAH DOES NOT LISTEN TO LOGIC AND REASON. HOW MANY TIMES MUST THE OPRAH EXPLAIN THIS?!

So, The Oprah hopes you stupid "normal" people understand my stances on same-sex "marriage" and OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, if you'll excuse her, The Oprah is off to Friendly's for a sundae with Gayle, and they're going DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTCH!!!!!!

THOU SHALT VOTE OBAMA.

The Oprah knows all, sees all and eats all.

The Oprah commands you to vote for Barack Obama, lest you fall out of The Oprah's good graces.

The Oprah has no need for substance, judgement or even a modicum of intelligence! The Oprah only cares how you feel and commands you to vote with your hearts, not your heads.

Now, this will be impossible, you may say, as The Oprah lacks both a heart and a brain.

THE OPRAH WILL NOT ALLOW YOUR "LOGIC" AND "REASON" TO RESTRICT THE OPRAH'S VOTING RIGHTS!!!

So, in conclusion, go forth, and vote for Barack Obama. Your God demands it.