Obama Beats McCain

Finally, America has elected someone that key groups support - across the globe. Like black Europeans, the French, and Irish bookies.

Suck it Macedonia and Georgia! What do you know about picking an American president anyway? For too long we Americans made their choice on who would best lead America based on experience and common sense.

Congratulations President Obama! We did it! However, I kinda need my income tax refund now. I haven't worked in over a year, so you'll need to send it to my parent's house.

i-d-i-o-t is a 5 letter word

Obama ♥s Pie

Meaowbama meow likes his meow pie. You meow know what meow? I meow like pie meow too.

Meow.

Bush signs bailout bill

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Hey guys, Chase here...sorry I haven't posted lately, things have been really crazy. The truth is I've been on a very top super-secret mission of utmost importance to Team Obama code named "Vote-or-they-Die". The project I've been working on will surely lead the unrepentant 50% of Amerikkka (aka - the racists) to vote for Barack Obama.

Reason Number 9: Vote for Obama or these kidnapped kids will be fed to a tank of rabid piranhas

I know it sounds horrible, but we really...really want Obama to win. So much so that we are willing to sacrifice the lives of these cute little kids to make that happen. You see, the O-Team is at the end of a medium-sized list of ideas to make people vote for Obama. What else can we do to show the rest of America that voting for Obama is the only logical thing to do? You know, other than this?

Check out the video we made for Project Vote-or-they-Die! Kids will sing the darnedest things when you withhold food and cartoons from them.






Note: This post is approved in the 49 free states. Those reading this post in Missouri are doing so at their own risk. The owners of this site will not bail you out of jail if Obama's Truth Squad catches you reading any non-approved materials (which we are pretty sure includes this site).

Other Reasons
Reason #8:Unfunny Wanker Comics for Hope (and some spare change)
Reason #7:Experience matters, MILFs don't
Reason #6: Georgia on my mind
Reason #5: The O-Force
Reason #4: Chase's Seal of Approval
Reason #3: The Fist Bump of Change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Hey guys, Chase here. I was up late last night watching the VMAs and have another reason why you should vote for Obama in November.

Reason Number 8: Unfunny Wanker Comics for Hope (and some spare change)

A recent Gallup poll shows that McCain had a little bounce following the book-burning escapade they called a "convention". My cousin was at the convention, you may have seen her. She's in Code Pink and likes to shout "DOWNBUSHINHITLERREGANDOUCHE" at people. To be fair, she used to shout like that when she was younger, but that was when she rode the short bus to school and pooped in her pants. Despite what her parent's said, I didn't find her very special.

Speaking of poop, let's talk about the next big bounce of this convention. The Russell Brand Bounce!

Who is Russell Brand? He's only the greatest political mind to come from Britain since Russell Crowe. I hear he's also a comedian, which I didn't pick up on last night at the VMAs.

Here is a sample of the political prose he laid down last night:

"Please elect Barack Obama on behalf of the world...Some people - I think they're called racists - may not be ready to elect a black man. It was nice of you to let that retarded cowboy have a go at it."

Wow. That's like Shakespearean-Olbermannesq.

He also addressed teenage pregnancy by claiming that Bristol Palin's pregnancy was a political stunt and that kids should be punished for getting pregnant at that age by being forced to become Republicans.

WOW! How is this guy not popular in America? Given to how American television blatantly rips-off everything from the UK, it should be any day that Russell Brand is given a sitcom on NBC.



American would be wise to listen to great political minds like P. Diddy, Sharon Stone and Russell Brand. They obviously know more than you. Plus, if you don't vote for Obama...you're a racist.

Other Reasons
Reason #7:Experience matters, MILFs don't
Reason #6: Georgia on my mind
Reason #5: The O-Force
Reason #4: Chase's Seal of Approval
Reason #3: The Fist Bump of Change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Woah. Chase here and let me tell you, they don't call Denver the "mile-high" city for nothing. Yes, I was there for the DNC. No, I don't remember anything. I tried to get into Obama's little speech on Thursday, but The One didn't choose me to join him backstage (I even told him I was a Republican war vet poor first time voter female immigrant). I was also few million dollars short on the fund raising criteria to get in.

Reason Number 7: Experience matters, MILFs don't

I finally woke up on Fridayish and saw the news, McCain has picked a total MILF for his "running mate". My first reaction was "woah, she looks hot". Then the news images started coming in and I was like "woah, she looks hot holding a machine gun". Later I was watching CNN and I was like "woah, her daughter is hot and easy". Both can be VP (in my pants).

The neo-thugs love her. The females love her. Apparently, even Joe Biden thinks she's hot.

Unfortunately, there's the nasty business of the "(R)" next to her name, so that means we must end the puppy love and start tearing her apart.

Do we really want to have someone who has ZERO foreign experience just a heartbeat away from the presidency? No, we want someone with years of foreign experience a heartbeat away from the presidency!

The fact is Joe Biden has a clean and articulate record, Palin does not.

Note: Like my new hat? Buy one today HERE.

Other Reasons
Reason #6: Georgia on my mind
Reason #5: The O-Force
Reason #4: Chase's Seal of Approval
Reason #3: The Fist Bump of Change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Hey guys, Chase here. Cutting away from watching Ladies Olympic Beach Volleyball to talk about why we should elect Obama.

Reason Number 6: Georgia on my mind

Recently I turned on the news and found out that Russia had invaded Georgia! I watched in horror and they parachuted in, had the Cubans and Mexicans invade through Texas. We stopped them in the Midwest, while a group of locals - led by Patrick Swayze staged a courageous guerrilla campaign. - I later realized that I was actually watching Red Dawn on HBO.

I also found out that breakaway Russian provinces name themselves after our states. How confusing and relieving at the same time.

After my little anxiety attack, I got high. Then I checked in to see how President-in-waiting Obama was handling the situation. He held a press conference in Hawaii. Check it out.

I bet Russia backs down just because Obama is so cool, he has to wear a jacket while in Hawaii.

Other Reasons
Reason #5: The O-Force
Reason #4: Chase's Seal of Approval
Reason #3: The Fist Bump of Change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

I'm TXTing Obama

I recently signed up for emails from my main man. The Baaaraaaccck OOOOObammma! How cool is that? He emails me like 10 times a day asking if I have checked out his website, if I want to kick in some more fundage, and if I want to earn some ca$h by claiming to The Enquirer that I had an extra-marital affair with John McCain and fathered a child from said relationship.

Then I got an email that states that Barack Obama wants to text me when he chooses a running mate. ME? The One wants to text ME when we chooses a running mate? Check it out:

Barack Obama is about to make one of the most important decisions of this campaign -- choosing a running mate.

You have helped build this movement from the bottom up, and Barack wants you to be the first to know his choice.

Sign up today to be the first to know:

You will receive an email the moment Barack makes his decision, or you can text VP to 62262 to receive a text message on your mobile phone.

Personally, if I were his VP choice - say my name was "Evan Bayh", I'd want to be the first to know if I were Obama's VP choice and I'd be pretty mad if I found out that Obama texted Chase Hussein Michaels first.

Anyway, I signed up for his text messages. I got my first one today, but it had nothing to do with a VP choice.

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Chase Michaels again, reminding you that if you don't vote for Barack, you're obviously a racist bigot. And stupid.

Reason Number 5: The O-Force

When the evil hordes of undead old Republican corporate oilmen come up from the South for the blessed progressive virgin(s) like Allison O'Keefe , who ya going to call?

THE O-FORCE!

(cue intro music)

duumm dum dum dun....THE O-FORCE - coming to save the freaking day.... O-Force....Gonna put a smile up on ya face.....O-Force..dum dun..O-Force...Gonna turn that frown...upside down...o-force ..I cannot hear you...O-FORCE!

My name is Chase and I'm a....uhhh "Staff" Sergent in the O-Force. I wear a cape and my superpower is the powerful "O-Face". You know? O-Face. Get it? We fly in our O-Force One jet, piloted by Captain Jimmy Hope and Co-Pilot Bob Change. Together with our leader - The O-Man, we are here to save the day. Stand back, we're professionals.

O-Force!

So ladies, vote for Obama and maybe one day all your dreams will come true and you can ride on O-Force One. But only if your hot and over 18 (15 in Kentucky).

Other Reasons
Reason #4: Chase's Seal of Approval
Reason #3: The Fist Bump of Change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

Joking about Obama

I hear that comedians, TV personalities, and Jon Stewart are having problems about joking about The One.

That is an outrage! So you are telling me that these "comedians" are giving hours of valuable free air time to the GOP and John McCain while they are completely ignoring Sir Barack Obama! How is this remotely fair?

I have put some Obama jokes together for the likes of Jon Stewart, free of charge. Just stop giving the GOP non-stop free airtime by joking about how McCain is old, you Republican hack.

Joke 1
Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
Because there was not a body of water nearby for him to walk over.

Joke 2
Did you hear that Obama is currently in the Gulf?
Yep, Mexico has no idea what to do with him.

Joke 3
Did you hear Obama wants to supply the Marines with 1,000 new septic tanks?
When they learn how to drive them, he wants to use them to invade Pakistan.

Joke 4
How many Obama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twelve - 1 to blame it on Bush, 4 to form a committee, 6 to find and pack the bong, and 1 to call an electrician.

Joke 5
Have you heard that joke about Obama?
Well odds are he has, because his ears are freaking huge.


Do you have any other Obama jokes? Post them in the comments.

Burn The New Yorker

Whoa, Chase is back! Man I just spent 4 days waiting outside an Apple store for the new iPhone. I still don't have an iPhone, mainly because the store I was waiting outside of was actually an Applebee's. That is the last time I will share brownies with any of the Hussein crew.

Back to talking about Barack Obama. Have you seen the latest cover of some right-wingnut publication that probably has ads for Faux News? The New Yorker. Such a hateful publication should be banned from printing. Who gives them the right to do such a thing?

Well in case you missed it, the cover of this rethuglican magazine has a cartoon of the blessed prophet Obama and his wife in the oval office. Check it out for yourself, don't let a blogger make up your mind on an important issue like denouncing this radical right-wing cartoon.

I mean, come on! Michelle would never be caught dead in combat boots. Also, how does The New Yorker expect the first couple to sit in such a small chair? Outrageous!

Chase H. Michaels

I hear from Nice Deb that my middle name has been discovered.  Before I saw that Obama Girl video, my given middle name was Spenser.  While I did not mind have three first names as my full name, after watching the Obama Girl video, something changed (in my pants).

From that day forward, I wanted to be known as Chase Hussein Michaels.  The fire spread like a nasty rash and now some of my buds have also changed our names to match that of the next President of the United States (aka The One).  What better way to show that you love a guy, than to take his name.   Whoa...did that come out weird?

My buddy Jason "Hussein" Clark likes to tell chicks that he changed his name to Hussein because he's well hung.  Get it? 

Well here is a picture of me, my buds and some local Obama volunteers at a recent event.  At least I think it was an event, we played hacky sack and someone said something about Iraq and the economy, I think.

Obama Leads in Poles

Why bother holding an election, man?  News from the venerable LA Times states that B-Rock "or die" Obama  leads John "I'm old" McCain 87% to 44%.  I mean, why put us through a summer of commercials and debates?

Thankfully Obama reversed his decision on accepting public funds.  With all that money (including the $23.45 that I sent) O-man can put ads everywhere.   AWESOME!  I can continue to see Obama ads on the sidebar every time I open my email!  While McCain kept his word and will be relegated to airing ads on the Home and Garden network in the 3-4am time slot.  Take that Sucker.

Back to that LA Times poll that shows Obama leading 87 to 44%.  People are complaining that the LA Times took their poll at a bus stop in Harlem.  So what?  They also supplemented that sample by polling people outside a Whole Foods store in Vail, Colorado.  See, the poll was fair and balanced.

Update: Sorry man, I got it wrong on the polling places.  The Whole Foods in Boulder was the location of the polling (not Vail) as well as next to the taco bar at the Kitteredge dining hall on the campus of Colorado University.

Thanks Alice.  

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Chase Michaels again. Here to post another reason you should vote Barack in 2008 (as if you needed another one).

Reason Number 4: Chase's Seal of Approval

Did you see Obama's new campaign seal? Man that thing is sweet. I mean it has everything, eagles, pointy things, herbs.

It has an eagle that represents a big bird, that flies and can carry stuff you may need.

The eagle holds in one claw, basil leaves noting that Barack may be a politician, but he's a politician who can whip up a mean Italian dish with all the right garnishes and herbs. He learned that from his Italian grandmother, Maria Hussien Mancini.

Back to the seal. The eagle is also carrying some toothpicks, so if you get a little basil in your teeth, Barack's eagle will fly down and offer you a tool to extract the basil.

Above the herb/toothpick carrying eagle is "Vero Possumus". Which in Latin means, "I am the possum". I have no idea what Obama meant with that, but it's still awesome.

There's a rumor going around the Barack Blogs that the eagle's head can swivel so that if you don't need the basil at that time, the eagle's head will swivel to face the toothpicks.

Is this man brilliant or what?

Other Reasons
Reason #3: Fist-bump of change
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

Chase's Obama Truths

Chase Michaels here. I have told you reasons why we should vote for Obama, now I have some truth's about Obama that I'd like to share with you.

• Obama once stepped into quicksand. The quicksand couldn't escape and nearly drowned.
• Barack Obama once showed up late for an interview at MSNBC. They adjusted their clocks accordingly.
• On a high school math test, Obama put down "Change" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because saying "Change" enough can solve all the world's problems.
• Obama built Rome, Illinois in a day. It's not that big, but still...
  
• Obama made the Clintons disappear. Think about it, have you heard from either one?
  
• The Obama's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Barack Obama.
• Jack Bauer wears Obama pajamas.
• In the Pepsi Challenge, 10% of people chose Obama...and he was like 14 at the time.
  
• Obama doesn't reply to my emails, even though I am really nice. Why?
• Obama was never addicted to cigarettes, cigarettes were addicted to Obama.
• Google asks Obama for results.
  
• If Obama misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
• Finally, the answer is Barack Obama, the question doesn't matter.

Do you have others? Post them in the comments.

Obama Shakes Things Up in Iraq

Did you see what Obama did today? He got on a call with some politician from Iraq and told him that he's coming to Iraq to crack some skulls. He then demoted the Prime Minister.

The Illinois senator misspoke when he argued that Zebari and “President Maliki” are concerned about Iraq’s sovereignty and are not seeking a long-term occupation by the United States. Jalal al-Talabani is the president of Iraq, Nouri al-Maliki is the prime minister. (source)

Obama did not misspeak. If Obama does "misspeak", Webster's simply adjusts itself accordingly.

Anyway, CNN later stated that Maliki is now the President and Iraq apologized for making it so confusing. Obama accepted their apology and said that Iraq was not the Iraq he has known for years.

Way to go Obama.

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

Chase Michaels again. From the lack of comments, I can see people are really soaking in my message.

I'm home from college for summer break, so I should have more time to sit around and read Time magazine's weekly stories on why we should elect my man president. Ready or not, here's my next logical reason.

Reason Number 3: The Fist Bump of Change

Have you seen the news?

No, they haven't cured cancer or invented an ecological lightbulb that doesn't require HAZMAT team if it busts. No, the war is not over and NO, they aren't re-releasing the Hulk movie, only making a less-suckier one.

If you have had access to any form of media, you would have seen that Barack "the fist" Obama fist-bumped his wife. It is major news. I mean, he couldn't be more cooler even if he had moonwalked across the stage and did a keg stand.

I fist-bump my frat brothers. Look at me, I'm just like the Democratic candidate for president!

Here are some other places I think the B-man can incorporate the fist-bump:

1. When he meets with that Iranian president guy, he can fist-bump him in the ass
2. I would like him to fist-bump Hillary in the face, twice
3. He could fist-bump the guitarist from Phish, that would be cool
4. If he could fist-bump the economy so I don't have to pay $50 to fill up my car, that'd be great.
5. Maybe he could get athletes to stop patting each other on the butt and get more to fist-bump.
   
6. He could come to Mike's party next week and fist-bump me in front of that girl that works the deli - the one with the brown hair, I'm pretty sure that would help me score.

So that is just another fist-bumping reason that you should vote for Obama.

Other Reasons
Reason #2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)
Reason #1: Obama girls are easy

Update: Megan Fox has not come out and announced that she's going to send me naked photos of herself if Obama gets elected. While I'll continue to hope she'll come around, here are a list of other's that I will accept in her place (Heidi Klum, Miley Cyrus, Mandy Moore, The Obama Girl and Elisha Cuthbert).

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

How's it going? Chase Michaels again.

Just got back from my coed hackey sack league. Those granola eating hippies can sack like there's no tomorrow, one kicked me in my nads. Anyway, back to my list of reasons why my man, BO Bama should be the next president.

Reason Number 2: Susan Sarandon (sort of)

It's almost time for an election and once again, celebrities are talking about all the places they are going to move if America doesn't follow them blindly into the election booth. First off the blocks is Susan Sarandon to Canada if we don't elect Obama.

Has that strategy ever worked? I would have never written in "Haywood J. Blomie" or president in 2004 if I knew that Alec Baldwin was thinking about moving to Canada if Bushit was re-selected. Sorry dude, won't happen again.

It would also have more impact if Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins had not already said they would move to Canada about as often as I've gotten baked and ended up going through the Taco Bell drive-thru backwards. Which happens more than I care to admit.

Come on celebrities, you need some fresh ideas. Here is Chase Michael's advice for you:

1. We need better celebrities who's tits have not headed south to threaten to move out of the USA.
2. Pick someplace other than Canada. That place is basically the US with better beer, more Polar Bears and free Viagra.
3. Throw in an opportunity to let us see you naked.

Example: Megan Fox should threaten to move to Mongolia if we don't elect Obama. However she should add that if we do elect Barack, she would email me (obamamania08@gmail.com) pictures of her boobs.

Why we should elect the O-man in 08

How's it going? I'm Chase Michaels.

Because I'm currently enrolled in college, I have a unique outlook on life that other people should listen to. I may not have a real job, take regular showers, or get up before noon, but I do know why we need to elect B-Rock as the next president.

Reason Number 1: Obama girls are easy

Have you ever been to a Hillary rally? Man that place is full of crusty she-dudes and white dudes. Ever been to a McCain rally? Me neither, but I imagine it looks like a scene out of Cocoon. But let me tell you guys about the ladies at the O-man rally, they are h-a-w-t.

Just the other day, I went to a local Obama event-o-rino wearing my "Obama is my hommie" t-shirt. I sided up to this chick (I'd give her an 8.5 on the Chase-scale). I turn to her and say "I think Obama and his ideas on supply side economic stimulus with an substantial increase in the cap gains tax and trade barriers is really brilliant". I had no idea what that meant, but she dug it (in my pants)...you know what I mean?

Can you imagine how much tail I'm going net in the first 100 days of B-man's presidency? Awooooo... Chase out.