More slanderous lies against Obama

Uncle Ivan here. I'm still locked in the attic with my nephew's grannie, Madelyn "Stinky" Dunham. She mostly sleeps (and passes gas) so I can largely ignore her. But with all my spare time, I've been perusing that interweb thingy to find as much as I can on the news. And I found this:



Disgusting how they're involving that sweet boy with this whole banking mess isn't it?

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ED: New link to "repaired" video... and a bonus video! Enjoy!

Barack Obama Participates in International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Today was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Obama, being the International celebrity that he is, decided to participate. It was, after all, International talk like a Pirate day.



So Barack, in the spirit of the day told his wife Michelle that he was going to talk like a pirate to the Swedish delegation that was visiting his campaign office.


So he gets up on stage and says:


Hello! I be delighted t' be havin' ye as me audience. I be plannin' t' lower taxes an' fix th' economy. I`ll end th' war in Iraq an' reduce our dependence on foreign oil.Ya swabbie!


Blank looks abounded.



Barack was confused. He'd talked just like a pirate, even with a "swabbie" thrown in. So, being the articulate person that he is, he restated his opening, this time in english.


Hello! I'm delighted to have you as my audience.I'm planning to lower taxes and fix the economy. I'll end the war in Iraq and reduce our dependence on foreign oil.


Total misfire. The Swedish delegates looked at each other in utter confusion. Barack didn't know what to do. About this time his wife Michelle got his attention and while Barack excused himself to hear what his wife had to say the delegates began to mumble. Michelle whispered something to Barack and he returned to the podium, where, to massive applause, he said:


Hellu! I'm deleeghted tu hefe-a yuoo es my oodeeence-a. I'm plunneeng tu looer texes und feex zee icunumy. I'll ind zee ver in Ireq und redooce-a oooor dependence-a oon fureeegn ooeel. Bork Bork Bork!

An Unfair Attack

This "preacher", who is OBVIOUSLY a tool of The Man attacks my innocent and sweet nephew.



This will bring tears to your eyes. If that horrible horrible man could only pray for Barack it might be okay. That and a complete retraction.

Down with whitey.
~

h/t: Thirdwavedave and Atlas Shrugs

That IS one for the history books

And just like that my nephew gets the gay vote locked down...

Uncle Ivan In Da House!

'Sup bitches.

I escraped the attic. They guards left when the ice cream cone man came down the screet ringin' that bell and I found myself in front of this internets TV machine.

My nephew took me to his European vacation to meet all the voters in Europe and I had fun. Until I got confused with my signs and ended up in Poland. Again. Dammit.

At least this time there weren't any hungry joos though.

I've been working pretty hard on some of the concrete things that my nephew is going to have to do when he's elected God. He asked me to help. Or more specifically I offered when he was asleep and he didn't say not. So I've come up with a great way to provide the healthcare that all americans need. Here's my plan.

1. For all healthcare needs, you must be american.
   If you are not american, you will be come americans.
   So there.




2. And there's a flat rate for all healthcare services.




3. Three dollars and fiddy cents. Or treefiddy.

So for all you medical procedures, when you go to the doctor, it'll be treefiddy. For instance.

Patient: Hi Doctor, my arm hurts, can you help me?
Doc: Yes patient, I'm gonna need about treefiddy.

and

Patient: My goodness doctor, my leg has the syphillis, can you help me?
Doc: Yes patient, but I'm gonna need about treefiddy.

and

Patient: Doctor, look at the hole in my chest, 'lil Chub done popped a cap in mah ass.
Doc: Yes patient, I can fix that cap'n but I'm gonna need about treefiddy.

It's going to be known as the TreeFiddy healthcare plan. And you'll know that you're close to a hospital because people will be wearing Chef hats....

I'm going to go try and find me some ripple. Later bitches.

New Poll Results

Of respondents polled, 94% indicated that although Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have not been outspoken in their support of the first black man in history with the possibility of becoming President, they believe that Obama will eventually gain favor.

Basically, they have Hope. For Change.

That is all.

US Foreign Policy. Pooh on you!

Uncle Ivan here again. Since I've been leading the war of words against the right wing wackos it's been pretty crazy.

Which is why I was amused to have discovered that Richard Danzig needed help crafting foreign policy that the everyman could understand. When he asked me I responded "Pooh"!

Mr Danzig told the Centre for New American Security: “Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security.”

I was tired and really, really..., really needed a drink. I didn't want to talk about work. But now I realize my brilliance as well.

But I can't remember talking to him about Luke Skywalker. I wonder if it was a discussion of his light saber? He's a fine looking young man. I wonder if he supports my nephew? I'm sure of it.

I feel pretty.

Now go away and let me find a drink in peace. Or I'll sick Tigger on your ass.

Fighting Slurs!

Okay I've been a little tipsy lately. I've been spending a lot of time in my underwear smelling cheese and carrots and vomit. It's been truly magical. But after that horrible Hillary gave it up I haven't really had anything to do. And Obama told me to keep my head down. Then he locked me in the basement. I like the attic better.

But my nephew, Prince of men that he is, put me to work setting up an "Internet War Room". And who better to lead a war than me, Uncle Ivan? I'm a true war hero after all (did I mention that I saved all those jooos from that awful camp when my jeep got drunk and I made a right turn instead of a left. Last time I'll do THAT I tells ya!).

Well I've made good progress setting up this internets thingy. I got some kids from Kos to come over and help me. Once they finished smoking pot they got me all hooked up. I don't know what this mouse thing is but it makes pretty when I move it in the tv. We're going to be targeting all those mean places that say bad things about my sweet sweet mis-understood muslim, er marxist, sorry..., NEPHEW. The joo baiting, whitey hating - half cracker. Oh man I need a drink...

Well, off to the keyboard. I'm going to start by painting horns on every picture of Condoleeza I can find. You can do that on the internet right?

Shtupid Hllry

Hic


Hellop. S'me. Ivan. Nephew's the bomb. I've been a little depreshed becaush theresh not a lot for me to do during thish part of the campaign. Shpeshally now that evil shatan ish gone. And I'm really pished about it. All the Pfleglersh and the wifesh'r gettin' the credit and attenshion right now.

But I have the wafflesh. Thatsh right. I hid them. And I have gunsh.

No. Won't give him the wafflesh. No

Ten HUT

Alright maggots, are you little piss ants done with your wailing and gnashing of teeth?
Right Correct, thought so.

Look, I've been in the military since 19 ought one and I know a thing or two about freedom. And when my nephew says things about Hope you better listen.

All this distraction about how he's visited 57 states is just that; A DISTRACTION. See, poor geography runs in the family. But DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU! We still fought bravely for our enemies Israli friends in that concentration camp. Well, I did. Actually I freed the prisoners by myself. In the snow. After walking uphill for miles. With no shoes.

See I figure that my nephew has already done his part fighting for Joos. Through me! So I can completely understand how he views talking to other leaders rather than bombing them out of existence.

So in summary, I'm sorry that I got confused with that pesky east/west thing and liberated the wrong concentration camp. Like my nephew, I was merely trying to instill some Change in people that I Hoped were not Joos. And besides, our friends the Communists got all the credit.

Which is as it should be comrade.