Friday, August 8, 2008

Uncle Ivan In Da House!

'Sup bitches.

I escraped the attic. They guards left when the ice cream cone man came down the screet ringin' that bell and I found myself in front of this internets TV machine.

My nephew took me to his European vacation to meet all the voters in Europe and I had fun. Until I got confused with my signs and ended up in Poland. Again. Dammit.

At least this time there weren't any hungry joos though.

I've been working pretty hard on some of the concrete things that my nephew is going to have to do when he's elected God. He asked me to help. Or more specifically I offered when he was asleep and he didn't say not. So I've come up with a great way to provide the healthcare that all americans need. Here's my plan.

  1. For all healthcare needs, you must be american.
    If you are not american, you will be come americans.
    So there.

  2. And there's a flat rate for all healthcare services.

  3. Three dollars and fiddy cents. Or treefiddy.

So for all you medical procedures, when you go to the doctor, it'll be treefiddy. For instance.

Patient: Hi Doctor, my arm hurts, can you help me?
Doc: Yes patient, I'm gonna need about treefiddy.


Patient: My goodness doctor, my leg has the syphillis, can you help me?
Doc: Yes patient, but I'm gonna need about treefiddy.


Patient: Doctor, look at the hole in my chest, 'lil Chub done popped a cap in mah ass.
Doc: Yes patient, I can fix that cap'n but I'm gonna need about treefiddy.

It's going to be known as the TreeFiddy healthcare plan. And you'll know that you're close to a hospital because people will be wearing Chef hats....

I'm going to go try and find me some ripple. Later bitches.

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